Making Friends

It's been a busy couple of days and I'm still trying to catch up with it all. You know what it's like when you meet a new(ish) person and they make you start to see things and yourself in different ways? I'm experiencing that right now.

On Wednesday I went out for lunch with a girl who I last saw when I was eleven years old. We've been corresponding via email for the last six months or so and have met up once before but my shyness took over then and I just clammed up. This time round we knew each other better, and, more importantly, knew we were both shy and nervous about meeting up; so promised each other not to let the nerves take over. And it worked. I had a really lovely time; one of those days you hope to have but never expect to. Weirdly, although we've been apart for fourteen years we've lived mirrored lives at times. It's an equal balance that makes the friendship really work. We know enough about what the other's been through because we've experienced a version if it ourselves, but, there's still plenty of other things that's new to one another to make it, well, new. We had lunch, we had drinks, we talked about old friends, remenisced over things we remembered from childhood. We discussed relationships and family; the good parts of growing up and the bad. I wondered how long the meet-up would last; I didn't end up getting home 'til gone seven in the evening.

In many ways we're very similar. In many ways we're not. Again, it's a perfect balance. I feel very blessed to have found her again. I honestly didn't think I would. I thought we were too far apart now. I mean, how many people do you know who are still friends with the person who was their best friend from the age of three? People grow, they experience things that change them, and often they leave the people behind who were there at the beginning. In this case that's not true. The years apart have made a new friendship. And I'm really enjoying it :)

We've promised each other more lunch dates, more cups of tea; maybe even a night out or two (if the budgets hold). It feels very strange to be making a new(ish) friend at my age because the last time I made a new friend - and I mean a proper close friend - I was probably still in school. Making friends in adulthood is such a different experience. The good thing is it means there's lots more to talk about because you've experienced more, and there's absolutely no whining about parents and how they don't understand you ;) I think there was so much gushing over family members. It was nice to be with someone who was able to show me, just by listening, how much I have in my life and how happy I am. The bad times were bad and I was pleased by how little I wanted to dwell on them, and how hard they were to actually remember considering how good things have become since. Sure, some days can still be crap. I'm not one-hundred percent happy with where I am, I wish some things were easier than what they are, but I have my health (cough and snot aside ;D), my boy, my family, my Sweepie, my writing, and a brand new friend to share it all with.

When you look at it more closely, making friends is such a selfish thing, isn't it? ;D

Labels: friends, life

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |  

Home Again

I actually did a dog-sitting job where nothing broke, the dog was healthy and didn't run away - it was a nice easy time. Ahh, if only it could always be that way ;)

I'm home again now. I've had a lovely lazy day, very much encouraged by Jem - in fact, I'm going to go ahead and completely blame her because she made me play "Oblivion" all morning! But as she rightly said, if I hadn't of played I wouldn't have been made Master of the Fighter's Guild. And I do love my new powers :)

I have cleaned up a bit, I've bathed Sweepie because she might be meeting a new friend of Ray's tonight and she was very smelly. I've had a few minutes out in the garden reading, enjoying the on-off sunshine, too. Tomorrow I'll get back to real life. For today I'm dressed in pretty clothes (there is nothing better than getting home and wearing pretty clothes after having to wear scruffy dog-clothes the whole time I was away), I'm enjoying the sun, I'm rekindling my love with "Oblivion", and planning a lovely meal of corgettes and rice and peppers and all things could for you.

I love being home :)
i do miss "the hills" though ;)

Labels: cleaning, clothes, dog-sitting, food, friends, jem, oblivion, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

I Am A Girl

I'm dog-sitting again so naturally I get a text from Ray saying he's finishing up work early today :/ It's amazing how in equal measures that boy can make me feel so strong and capable and yet at the same time weak and useless. The dog-sitting has really upped my confidence these last few weeks. I always hate the thought of doing the jobs and yet after a few goes it just makes me feel so much better about myself. It's not the whole work ethic thing; I've never been one to need a job to define myself or to make myself worthy. I think it's just the fact that I'm doing something by myself and even though things always go wrong I somehow manage to deal with it. It makes me stronger, which I like, because I get far too shy and introverted sometimes.

I am now hooked on... The Hills. I know, I know, what am I thinking, right? Well, I thought the same thing when I first watched an episode. I sat laughing, asking what the hell the show was all about. But somehow I've got hooked. I think it's cos Lauren (the main girl) seems like a me kind of girl, as in she's normal and not overly Hollywood. Hey, if nothing else we all need a guilty pleasure, don't we? ;)



In related-girlie news: I went shopping Saturday. I know we're poor and getting poorer (so far new bills include the car, the electric and gas, and the water) but as a treat for all the work I've been doing I bought myself: a navy top and flared jeans. Funnily enough I only tried the top on cos it looked pretty and with no intentions on buying it, and only picked up the jeans cos I was wearing a skirt and so needed trousers to try the top on with. My number one rule when trying not to shop is to not to take a whole outfit into the changing room cos you just know that you're going to fall in love and end up spending ten times more than you ever intended to. Oh well, it's a pretty outfit and I did need some new jeans... ;)

I'm allowing myself one more treat and that's to go and see my friend for a lunch date. I haven't seen her in ages (we're both always too poor) so it's going to be really nice to spend a good few hours doing the girlie chat thing.

And that's all my girlie news for the day ;)

Labels: dog-sitting, friends, life, money, ray, shopping, the hills, tv

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  

Bank Holiday Holiday

I'm in the middle of a small holiday. I didn't think I'd ever get one of these again! I haven't gone away anywhere but due to a Bank Holiday weekend and an extra day off work on top of that, Ray and I are having a little break together in the house. And it's been so much fun.

Friday morning Jem's friend Gesine and her boyfriend Will came down to stay for a couple of days. I'm quite shy with new people (okay they're not new-new but I haven't seen either of them in about a year or so) so I struggled with things to say but that was okay cos I was only in part-time hostess mode. With them being Jem's friends I got to take it easy :) It was the best thing for me cos they'd go out in the mornings/afternoons and have time together as friends and then in the evening we'd all come together and have hours worth of conversations about music and ... well, Martha ;) Will tried to tune Ray's guitar, which just reminded me how much fun it is to listen to boys play guitars. I will get on Ray's case to play more often! We had a lovely meal down the local pub and a few drinks to wash it down with, which loosened my tongue a lot. It was a lovely two days and we were all sad to see them leave Sunday morning. I always get wound up about guests arriving and then by the time they're leaving I'm always sad to see them go. One day I might learn not to get nervous about it. We're trying to persuade Will and his band to do a Welsh tour so that they can come and stay again :)

So then Sunday was Day Three of the long weekend holiday. It was spent visiting all the families. The Olympics ended, which was very sad indeed. I'm going to be lost without it! Today Ray is having a Boy's Day with Dale. Which means I'm catching up with stuff online, writing my diary, and maybe even working on the photo albums, which I haven't done in months! It's a miserable, grey day today. Typical Bank Holiday weather.

Tomorrow the car is going to the garage because yet again it won't start. That will be Day Five of the holiday... the last day. Surprise holidays are so much fun. Probably because there was no pre-planning so really nothing could have gone wrong or been a disappointment. Come Wednesday it's back to reality. Humph.

EDIT TO ADD: Even more exciting news: I'm going to see Coheed & Cambria in December... and they're going to play my favourite album - the entire thing - Good Apollo IV Volume I. This is such a cool idea for a gig! I cannot wait! :D

Labels: friends, holidays, house stuff, jem, life, martha, ray, visitors

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  

The Big Decisions

First of all: CONGRATULATIONS to Gen & Andy who got married over the weekend! It was such a romantic story; made me go all goose-pimply when she told me :) Good luck with your futures together, guys; may there be much happiness and love.

It seems to be the time for the big decisions in life. Ray and I have had a few conversations this weekend and they've culminated into a decision about one aspect of our future.

For those who don't know: I might not be able to physically conceive or/and carry a child. I had some surgery when I was in my teens to get rid of some out-of-control ovarian cysts and in the process of being mis-diagnosed (GP's are great, aren't they?) they'd grown huge and spun and tangled things up. During the second op' I lost my right ovary and fallopian tube. It's perfectly plausible that I can still conceive. Plenty of women have only one ovary and have babies perfectly fine. But then again plenty don't. I also have no idea what the scar tissue is like and whether or not that will play any part in it.

So, what's that got to do with anything, right? Well, I stumbled across a test that can tell whether or not I am producing any healthy eggs. (For the record: I don't believe I stumbled; I believe I was guided to it.) It won't test for anything else but for me that's one of the big things that hangs like a question mark over everything. Am I even producing any eggs from that one remaining ovary, and are they healthy?

So we've made a plan. My Pill prescription runs out in December. I won't renew it. We'll wait at least six months for my body to run off the effects of The Pill and then we'll take the test. Of course I know it shouldn't take six months for the effects to wear off but a year from now sounded like a good time frame for us. From there we'll make a new decision. That'll depend on many factors. If the test shows I'm fine are we ready to have babies then? Or, do we even want to have children of our own, do we just want to adopt/foster? If the test shows I've got no healthy eggs then I'll probably go to the doctors, get it assessed and find out exactly what's wrong. Then the question will be: are we ready to adopt/foster yet?

This decision doesn't mean we're planning babies for next year; it's just the first step in that direction. I've always wanted to adopt/foster anyway but I'd still like to know whether or not I am capable of conceiving naturally because a part of me really wants to have Ray's baby. But that's all a decision for next year. For now I'm just extremely happy to be moving forward and making that first small step. Coming off The Pill isn't such a big deal, either. It was never really the wonder drug for me - my periods are still heavy and painful, my mood swings are a little extreme on my off-week, and my boobs have grown too big! ;) So come January I'll be starting down the path back to the real hormone-challenged me, and the path to motherhood.

Labels: adoption, fertility, friends, life, marriage, maternal, motherhood, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 5 | permalink |  

A Visit From Hilary

As I said in my last post, my friend Hilary came to stay at the weekend. And it was so much fun. I'd forgotten how much fun it was/is to have friends stay over. And she has so much energy!

On Saturday us three girls went down the pub for a drink and a catch-up. I can't remember everything we talked about because we seemed to talk about everything! Hilary serenaded us with a couple of songs. We thought she was kidding about one of them - actually we were convinced she'd just made it up but I have actually found it online! "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)". And, yes, she sang it all and that fast and she knew every single line! Hahaha.

In the evening we (including Ray this time: our photographer for the weekend) went for a walk around our cycle track - it is ours; we love it so it's ours. We showed off the crummybeach and then started teaching Hilary how to pronounce Welsh words. Cefn was her favourite because she pronounced it Kevin.



That night we stayed up talking 'til 1am. Religion and politics and school and sex education and friends we'd lost to sex or drugs. It was so good to discuss so much politics and religion, which are two of my favourite topics of discussion, because Hilary has so much knowledge on both. It was just so invigorating. I had no idea that the American law stated that religion and politcs were meant to be separate, and that therefore the party's are breaking the law. Fascinating. And on a weird side note: we saw one of the Mormon guys who tried to convert me a few weeks back.

On Sunday we went down one of our local woodland parks and had a picnic and a wander around, and, of course, did much talking. I don't think I've ever been with anyone who can talk that much and never run out of stories to tell. It was fantastic! We also gave Hilary her first ever pasty.

At 4pm we bid a sad farewell as Hilary climbed aboard her train and headed back to London, where she hoped to get some sleep, something of which she'd missed out on all weekend. I think we all moped around that night missing her company. She really injected some life into the house, after we'd all been getting quite stagnant and mopey about constantly being broke and the mundane 9-5 lifestyle.

Come back soon, Hilary! You're always welcome :) A few photos from the weekend.

Labels: friends, hilary, life, photos, politics, religion, woodland park

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

A Visitor From Across The Pond

Tomorrow I will be receiving my first official house guest. My friend Hilary.

Hilary is actually a friend of both me and Jemma because we both met her when we were hanging around outside Cardiff Arena waiting to see Five. Ahh, remember Five? All that getting jiggy with it and rocking us, etc., etc. Hilary had come over from Florida to see relatives (was it relatives you were visiting, Hils?) and because she was such a big fan of the band had persuaded a family member to drive her to Cardiff to see them. You see? People always slagged off boybands but just think how many people from different cultures they brought together? Just through being a Take That fan I made friends with girls from Germany to Finland to Australia.

But anyway I digress...

Jem and I got talking with Hilary about the band. I seem to recall doing my impersanations of the band (oh Lord whatever posessed me?). I think it was purely my British accent that won her over; it really couldn't have been my act. We swapped addresses and started writing to each other.

Our crushes on Five melted away to be replaced by other boybands then real life boys who broke all our fragile little hearts. I left school, Hilary's brain got bigger and bigger and she went onto uni. If there was one word I could use to describe Hilary it would be: brainy. She has the biggest mind I've ever known. And she's not at all snobby or pretentious with it. She has to be one of the few intelligent people I've met who listen to everything everyone says and learns something new every single time.

A few years ago, Hilary came to London for the summer. We were broke (aren't we always?) so she came to see us. We showed her our not-so-glorious town and got very silly over some men playing bowls. Then last year Hilary got her wish: to study in London full-time (as if any uni was really going to turn her down?). Finally, after much juggling of work and finances, Hilary is coming to stay this weekend and we're going to finally see each other again after four years.

I haven't had a houseguest since my friend Sarah came to stay back in the summer of 2003 (Ray aside who was a completely different kind of guest). What if I've forgotten how to entertain? What if Hilary goes home saying what an awful hostess I/we were? I have activities planned and, weather permitting, it should all be lots of fun.

So, welcome back to Wales, Hilary. You will be the first person to stay here overnight in our little house. I hope you have fun :) And don't be afraid of our extremely loud toilet (that deserves a post all of it's own).

Labels: boybands, five, friends, hilary, house stuff, take that

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

Glasses, Friends & Motherhood

The new glasses are great. I picked them up yesterday afternoon from the opticians. When I first put them on I didn't notice much difference and then the guy asked me to look around the room and make sure they were okay. I picked them up off my nose, looked through my eyes and then put the glasses back on and everything just cleared right up. So there'll be no more squinting off into the distance trying to make out faces and sights. I used them for the first time last night when Jem was playing Halo 3. I can't tell you how much of a difference they made. It was like I could finally see how the game was supposed to look. And there were no headaches. The only thing I have to do now is get used to always putting them on when I watch TV. I forgot a few times last night but I'm sure it'll come in time. I was going to take some photos of me wearing them but my hair is such a mess today that I'd rather wait until I'm feeling more presentable. I am vain, yes. I was wrong about the colour of my second pair, though. They are orange but the orange is on the inside; on the outside they're a lovely brown colour. I adore both pairs but I think I've decided my black/red ones are for in the house and when visiting family; while the brown/orange ones will be my out-and-about pair. Ray and I christened the black/red ones last night so I think it'll be the brown/orange one's turn tonight ;)

My afternoon out with my old friend was lots of fun. I wasn't in a very talkative mood but that was okay; there were no awkward silences or anything. It was really weird. It was as if we'd been friends for years. We'll be meeting up more regularly from now on, I think. It's nice to have a friend living close by who I can go and visit cos all of my friends live off around the country so I hardly ever see them in person.

Sweepie is on tablets for her epilepsy now, and so far there hasn't been anymore fits or fainting episodes. I'm still watching her like a hawk, though. The tablets have made her quite dopey, though, and her sleepiness has made her grumpy. Poor Martha has been on the receiving end of most of her complaints this week. But we've halved the dosage now (cos she kept stumbling about cos the dosage was a bit too high for her and so was making her too dopey) so I'm hoping her mood will improve again. I'll just be relieved when I know the tablets are definitely working and I no longer have to worry about her when she's on her own. Being a mother is very stressful.

Labels: epilepsy, friends, glasses, life, martha, ray, sex, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

Computers & The Past

It's just taken my spanking new computer (okay, he's five months old, so maybe he's not spanking anymore...) about three hours to put 1.3GB of photos onto a DVD-disc capable of holding 4.7GB. I don't think it should have taken that long. So I think it must have been my technique. Maybe copy-and-pasting isn't the way to go when using Vista. It doesn't matter now cos my pictures are backed up and so if I accidently delete them (yes, I admit, I lost about six pictures the other day when I put the wrong files in the wrong folder and wrote over the existing pictures...) it won't matter.

This morning I powered up my parents' old computer, which they lent me so that I could get some work off floppy discs. New computers don't have floppy drives so when I found out my memory stick wasn't holding two of my larger novels I panicked about how I was going to retrieve them. Then I remembered my parents still had an old computer knocking about. I found a love-note to Ray on one of the discs that I for some reason hadn't given him. After reading it, I printed it out and am leaving it on the bed for him to find when he gets home from work. I hope it will make up for what happened last night, and help to explain my feelings for him and that as much as they are a work-in-progress, just look at the mess I got myself into when the feelings were instant. Last night was tough for us both. I wish the past could remain buried so that I could enjoy my present and future. Unfortunately life doesn't work out that way.

Good past reared its head a couple of weeks ago. It's taken me this long to mention it because I wasn't sure if it was sticking around. A girl I used to be best friend's with between the ages of three and eleven found me online and we've been coresponding via email for a few weeks. It seems we've lived nearly identical lives. We're going to meet up later this month and I have high hopes. You see, the past doesn't always have to mean badness. That's something I'm learning.

Labels: daddy, friends, laptop, life, love, mammy, photos, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  

Crushing Friendships

We got talking about friendships last night. It started out as Jem bashing men (hehe) and me sticking up for them cos I've had some really nice male friends who have been extremely lovely - not forgetting that my boyfriend is a bloody lovely young man as well ;) Jem said how I always stick up for the guys, that she's never experienced a friendship with one and so can't understand where I'm coming from.

It occured to me that I have very few straight female friends or gay male friends. I wondered why this was. Surely it's not something as crude as I can only be friends with people who could possibly fancy me, and vice versa? But it wasn't that at all. I make friends with people who technically could fancy me (straight men, gay women) but they don't like me because they want to get into my pants - they like me because of who I am. The warm glow that gives me in the belly is why I'm drawn to those people. Because they like me not what I can give them. It's the same with children. I feel so happy when one of them clambers into my lap and asks for a cuddle or for a chat because you know they're doing it because they like you not because they want anything out of you.

Saying that, I have of course fallen for a few male/gay friends in my time. But that happens from time to time with everyone. You have to ask the question then whether you just enjoy the crush and wait for it to run its course or whether you risk ruining a friendship by acting on it. The very few times I've acted on it it's ruined the friendships. I know what I'm like, though. If I fancy someone straight away and there's an attraction I know I can go ahead and flirt, if it's something that grows out of friendship I tend to know it's just me crushing on their platonic-feelings for me, which are strangely attractive. As I said last night, to a very bemused boyfriend, I don't respect anyone who fancies me.

Now a Saturday 8 on crushing (bit of a late one but who cares?):

1. who was your first crush?

Famous? Rick Astley! Non-famous? A boy called Hywel when I was about nine. That doesn't include my first boyfriend when I was five because I don't remember crushing on him ;)

2. do you currently have a crush on someone?

I have a crush on my boyfriend. Still. After fourteen months! I thought it wore off after that length of time but apparently not :)

3. what makes a crush a CRUSH to you? the fact that it's possibly unrequited? or that you can actually get the person at a later date?

There's two types of crushes for me. There's the I Want I Gotta Have type, where I am completely smitten and seeing that person can make or break my day. Then there's the other type where I just like being in the company of that person and it means nothing more than fancying their loveliness and not wanting anything whatsoever to happen between us.

4. who are your celebrity crushes?

Dan Radcliffe! I adore him at the moment. And David Boreanaz. One more? Gary Barlow.

5. have you ever crushed on a boss? did anything come of it?

I only ever had one proper boss and he was quite cute actually. Nothing happened at all. I just thought he was cute. He used to flirt with all the women who worked there. He was a bit of a sleaze.

6. have you ever crushed on a teacher? describe what made you fawn over them.

I can honestly say: no.

7. many people have met a spouse/fiance(e) at work. have you ever crushed on a co-worker, and how did that turn out?

Not having a "proper" 9-5 job I can't really answer it.

8. have you ever crushed on a personal trainer, a work-out buddy, or a member of your sports team? what happened?

I've crushed on a few rugby players. Frist one was a no-go even though he chased me before and after I asked him out - weirdo. Second guy seemed really keen but lived too far away I guess. After that I gave up on rugby players and dated the barman instead ;)

Labels: friends, jem, life, meme, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

Foot = Ouch

It would seem my foot may be broken in some way. It's still swollen and badly bruised, and it has a squidgy Smartie-sized lump on top. When I press the lump it hurts like hell. Daddy told me last night I should go to A+E and get it looked at. Urgh. I hate hospitals. But I think tonight I'll be making a trip down for some x-rays. Unless I can convince myself it's not that bad and I decide to wait another few days, which is very possible. I mean, it only hurts a bit when I put a shoe on it these days, which is much better than it was at the beginning of the week. So I'd say that was improvement. Right? Hmm. I'm undecided. I'll see how it is when Ray gets here after work tonight.

I didn't end up going to the dentist. The bus just never showed up. Whenever I go dog-sitting I always sit in that bus stop and think, What if the bus doesn't turn up now? I always tell myself not to be so stupid - buses don't just not show up. Turns out they do - or don't, depending on which is the better use of english grammer there. It meant good news for my foot, of course, but does mean I missed the dentist for the fourth time (they've cancelled twice, I've cancelled twice). But I'm meant to be going next month now. Let's see if I make it to that appointment.

Someone was very rude to me on IM the other day. He was a friend of a friend. The friend of mine adores him so I was really surprised by how much of a dick he was. I guess he thought he was being random and funny but it just came across as rude and arogant. Urgh. People. And I can't say anything to her about it cos, like I said, she adores him. I say again: urgh, people.

The Used's album update: I had it on repeat yesterday so some part of me is loving it. I figured out what was wrong: I really like the hard screamo tracks The Used make but on this album there are only two tracks on the entire album that are in any way screamo. There is a beautiful ballad on the end, though. So I like the album but it's certainly not their best.

Now... am I going to the hospital tonight or not?

Labels: friends, illness, public transport, the used

by Ys | COMMENTS? 0 | permalink |  








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