It's Ray's birthday today. He turns twenty-two. When we first started dating he was nineteen. As I keep on reminding him: he'll always be my younger man no matter what his age ;)

The celebrations started Friday night with what I seem to recall was called "the best ever". Saturday we planned a lazy day slobbing around the house, hugging Sweepie and making sure she didn't feel too sad when we left her the following day. It didn't work: she saw me packing and started pouting that night. Sunday was a very early morning wake-up call so that we could be on the road by 8. We weren't actually on the road 'til twenty minutes after that. The wedding vow renewals were lovely. They got it done in a little wood hut, which got me quite excited cos I've always had this vision of my ideal wedding day... I won't give it all away but a hut-like building is in there. The party afterwards at the pub didn't include dancing unfortunately (the singer didn't turn up!) but there was lots of conversations with various members of my family. I rarely get to see my parents' brothers and sisters so when I do I always feel like a stranger. They're all really close so we're always out on our own. Not this time, though; this time we were embraced, which was really nice. I got clucky over my second-cousin who is four years old and doesn't ever shut up. "Are you ready to be tickled, girls?" So dodgy ;) Ray curled his hand over mine, tapped my wedding finger and mouthed "Mine." The night was going great 'til I got really bad stomach pains and had to run to the toilet in fear I was going to vomit. I had to go home by 9pm. I couldn't work out what was wrong until I remembered that I'd taken some painkillers without food. That's what upset my stomach last time. I'd worried my period pain would ruin the night so I took my strong painkillers; turns out they were what ruined it for me in the end. Typical. I missed my mother being hilariously drunk. She's always a laugh when she's drunk ;) She did think the room Ray and I were sleeping in was a toilet... But found out quick enough it wasn't not to cause embarrassment ;)

A TRIP TO TELFORD

Today, it being the actual day of Ray's birthday, Ray and I spent half an hour in bed before we had to get up. He opened his cards and was allowed one of my presents (Series 5 of "Red Dwarf"). Tonight he gets to open the rest, gets to eat banoffi pie, and he has one extra present, which I picked up today in town. I'll gush and share pictures tomorrow. Today I have to wrap presents and get everything ready for him :)

Labels: birthday, family, illness, life, love, mammy, photos, presents, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 0 | permalink |

I think I may be all blogged out this week. There's not much to talk about...

There's been a trip home to see my parents. There's a dress I want to link to but I haven't got the code for it and I can't find it on the website. It's a strapless wonder at the moment but because it slips down when I raise my arms (don't all strapless dresses do that? So why make them the new in-thing?) I need some straps for it. My mother had a brainwave: use the belt/ribbon that comes with the dress to fashion some straps. So it's at home at the moment waiting for AmberMammy to work her magic. It's extremely pretty. It was a present from Mammy for the wedding-nuptials we're going to in a couple of weeks. Not my wedding nuptials. It's a renewing-the-vows type of thing. It's also an excuse for me to show off Ray to my mother's side of the family. A couple of them have met him already but quite a few haven't. I get to be proud girlfriend for the night :) There's also been a lot of writing this week.

Last night there were some chippie-chips. Jem takes Martha to the groomers every six weeks and it always falls on a Thursday - Shop Day. Because I cannot be bothered to cook again Ray and I always have chippie-chips as a treat. It's this one weird evening every six weeks where it's just me, Ray and Sweepie. We always take Sweepie with us to get the chips and it's just this tantalising taste of what's to come in a few years time. It's great that I can get a taste of things to come and that I like how it tastes. The chips tasted damn fine, too ;)

Today there was badminton - I'm still the champion ;) There will be the Olympics in an hour. And The Tudors this evening. The weekend? I have no idea yet. I think there's some window-shopping with Mammy tomorrow; visits to the families on Sunday; in between hasn't been decided yet. I like it when there's a whole weekend stretching out in front of me like this with very little planned. In fact Friday afternoon/evening is probably my favourite part of the weekend: because there's so much to come and Monday feels like it's weeks away.

Enjoy your Friday, Saturday and Sunday :)

Labels: amber, badminton, blogging, family, in-laws, jem, life, mammy, ray, shopping, the tudors, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

Last night I went to visit my in-laws. Ray's mother was in work and his gran is poorly so after a bit of chatting we amused ourselves with some old photos Ray had found.

I come from a family that documented most of our lives from childhood onwards. Actually, I think it slowed down once we all got into our teens but then we were able to take over the job ourselves and so there has always been albums full of photos in the cupboards. The other week my parents dug them out and we all stood in the kitchen reminiscing, laughing and teasing each other about the funny faces we were pulling in the shots.

I forget that other people don't take as many photographs. I forget that other people don't put their photos into albums.

Last night I sat down expecting to see heaps of embarrassing photos of Ray when in fact there was only a handful that he featured in. One when he was about twelve - such a skinny blonde thing, and always in a baseball cap. The others from his uncles wedding when he was wearing make-up to cover up a black eye from a fight the night before. He assures me the fight had not been his or his uncle's fault but do you think I beleive him? Do I heck! ;) And finally some photos of him with his cousin proudly holding up some fish they'd caught.

He doesn't say it but I know he feels sad that there aren't more photos of him. That my endless albums worth of childhood photos remind him that his life was different to mine. It made me think about my own childhood.

Ray has always said he loves visiting my family because our house is a home, that everyone can say and do what they like - we're all a bunch of idiots who don't care, basically. I didn't realise just how fun and relaxed and filled with love my family home was and is. I went through some tough times with my family in my late-teen years but looking at us now and how we were before the bad times I wonder how it ever happened, how they could be the same parents who hurt me so much. Because they're not like that anymore. They weren't before and they're not now.

I guess moving out of home has made me look at my family and my family life in a new light, from a different angle. I had a wonderfully happy childhood, no matter how bad it got after puberty hit, the childhood was fun. And in between the bad times the good times were always so good. It's nice to be able to appreciate the good parts of life. I spent so long concentrating on the negative that I forgot to see that there was some damn good times mixed in there too.

Basically: my family rule! ;)

Labels: childhood, daddy, family, in-laws, love, mammy, photos

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

My ambition in life is a simple one. It's been the same one pretty much all my life. It was intensified through my later teen years and I've been obsesseddriven to making it a reality ever since.

All I want is to meet the man I love (check), marry him, buy a house together and fill it with lots of children and animals and love.

Now that ambition does not sit well with feminists. Does not sit well with teachers in school. Does not sit well with women who feel they were forced to live that life yet always wanted more. But to me that is more. That is everything I want.

I was talking last night, just throwing out words to see how they sounded, see where my mind was at. And I just came to realise that that's not what a woman of twenty-five is meant to wish for. I'm meant to want a fulfilling, busy career, which pays me heaps of money so I can go out drinking every night, and buy shoes with the rest of it. I'm not meant to want to save for the future, to make tentative life plans about wanting a house in the country and neighbours close to my age who I can go for drinks down the local pub with, meet up with outside the school gates and be happy with that life.

Have I just been told the wrong things by the teachers in school and the adults in my life? Is it just me or does the media tilt everything in favour of frivulous single life, while painting the family life as boring? And why does it do that? Why can't you mix both and enjoy both? I don't intend on giving up my social life, my youth, just because I've fallen in love and want to get married to that person.

I count myself lucky in that I had two young parents who devoted their lives to me and my siblings in their own ways. Daddy always provided for us financially, with trips out at the weekend to teach us things about life, and Mammy always provided love and fun and games and food. But that didn't stop them going out and enjoying themselves, having friends over, getting drunk. My childhood home was always filled with laughter and friends. And boy did my parents argue when they wanted to. And it was real life and it was emotional but always, always fun. I want that. I don't want the career and the bags of money. I just want laughter and babies and family life. And I want that life to be as fun for my children as it was for me.

Labels: children, daddy, family, life, love, mammy, marriage, work

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

Did everyone spoil their mother this Mother's Day? I tell you, when people invent these holidays they don't think about what it's like when you're in a relationship and so have two sets of mother's to visit. Thank God neither of us have step-mother's as well (well, Ray does but she's never really liked him so she doesn't count). I don't know how you'd fit them all into one day!

I spent the morning with Ray's mother. That was nice. Everyone was in a happy mood and were telling tales and making me laugh. When Ray's gran is on she's really on and just makes me laugh the entire time I'm there. Even her tale about planting her daffodil bulbs upside down had me cracking up! Sunday's at Ray's family is often hectic. It's nice when you're feeling brave cos everyone is there and you get to hang out with the kids and the grown-ups and find out all the gossip. But when you're feeling a little fragile it can often be a little daunting. Being a kind boyfriend, Ray tends to keep me away on Sundays. But Mothering Sunday pretty much means it's going to fall on a Sunday. The key was to get there early enough to miss the mad rush. And we did. There was only three adults and two children.

After a quick lunch it was onto my parents' house. We went from a house filled with people to one filled with animals. There's no way to avoid the mad rush of animal welcomes in my house - you just have to put up with it, and wear clothes you don't mind getting hair and mud all over. We got my mother John Barrowman's Autobiography cos she's a dirty perv' who fancies him, plus the usual flowers and chocolates. The plan was to spend a couple of hours but I think we ended up staying for about four. Daddy needed Ray's help to put up a new door, and Mammy wanted to talk to us. So I held Poopy Wednesday in my arms and listened to all of Mammy's gossip.

It was a nice weekend, even if it was a bit busy. Saturday kind of disappeared on me as well. Ray worked in the morning and then when he got back we went back to bed ;) I'm learning there's more and more perks to living alone, you know? We got up to eat pizza and that was about it. So my long list of things to do never got done, well, all expect me, of course ;) So I've got to get everything done in the evenings this week now. I don't regret a thing.

Labels: daddy, family, in-laws, mammy, mother's day, puppies, ray, sex

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

I'm ill again. I swear I am normally a healthy person. I blame Ray entirely. He brought some bug home and passed it onto me. As he said, the fun we had passing it on does probably make it worth it. It is only a little cold. And I think this time this one is only a small cold. Ray seemed a lot worse with his than I am with my version. I'm hoping to pass it onto Jemma cos it's just polite to share these things, isn't it? ;) Hehe, only kidding Jem.

My test at the doctors was fine. I think it helps when you have a really nice and friendly nurse. She talked me through everything and tried to help me relax. Boy, that sounds dodgy; I don't mean she physically helped me; she just tried to put me at ease. This thing does not make you feel very relaxed hehe. We call it a duck in my house. I kept telling Ray how I was going out for my date with the duck. Well, you've got to make a joke out of it, haven't you? But the whole thing wasn't too bad at all. A little uncomfortable but nothing to get upset about.

While I was there I found out I have to move doctors surgeries cos I'm out of their catchment area. I guess that's not too bad but it's just so much hassle. I'm not claiming my doctors are great, cos they're certainly not, but you get to know them over the years. It's going to be weird seeing someone else. I've got to find a place in town who have room on their books for me yet. Knowing my luck I'll be doctor-less now! Which will be no good considering my immune system has decided to pack up.

I forgot to say how I had a great Friday - everyone came over to see us! My younger sister came over first. It was so good seeing her cos I haven't seen her in ages. Then my mother came to pick her up. Then after that Ray's gran and mother came over. I love visits from people now. Usually I'm quite anti-social and much prefer having my house to myself but playing host is actually quite a fun job. I have to be in the right mood for it, though. I can still be anti-social a lot of the time ;) Mammy's coming over this afternoon to check on Sweepie. As far as I can tell she's pretty much back to her usual self. I just want Mammy to check the wound now cos it makes me go funny when I have to look at it.

I'm off to sneeze and cough my way through Halo 2 then...

Labels: amber, doctors, family, house stuff, illness, jem, mammy, ray, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

Yes, I am still alive. I know: I disappeared for a while there. That wasn't the plan, I assure you. Yes, I wanted to spend as much time with my family as I could (which I did), but I didn't think I'd be offline for so long.

Christmas was great. I felt very spoilt :) My favourite present had to be my signed Jason Donovan book. If anyone says they got a better present than that... well, I'll call you a liar ;) I've eaten heaps and laughed a lot, and just had a great time.

That was until Decemeber 28th. That day I started feeling ill; I thought it was just a mild cold cos I'd been fighting one off for a few days. That night my temperature went through the roof and pretty much stayed there for over forty-eight hours. I have no idea what was wrong; I just know it knocked me for six. I could barely stand. Ray was literally lifting me in and out of the bed/sofa. It was a really rough few days and I'm still finding my energy levels are really low now. Hence why I've been AWOL for so long.

Of course this has all come at an awful time cos I'm moving on Saturday! So today I started my packing. Tomorrow I have to complete it, cos Friday I'm going out to the rugby in Cardiff with Jemma and Daddy. So it's all one mad rush to get everything done when all I really want to do is curl up in a nice safe, warm, sleepy ball and watch some Disney DVD's.

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New Years. What with being ill New Years was a bit of a washout for me but I don't like New Years anyway so I didn't mind. I got to spend it with Ray and that was enough for me.

I should be back online checking on everyones blogs/journals in the next twenty-four hours and then I might be AWOL again for a week or so as I set up my internet connection. I'll be sure to check in before I move, though, to let you know :)

PS Thanks to everyone who's donated stuff to us for our move. Seriously, everyone's been great - I feel very blessed :)

Labels: christmas, family, illness, jason donovan, moving out, new years, presents, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

New week, new start. I caved in, as I always do, and no apology was offered; everything is continuing as if nothing was ever said. At least it makes life here bearable. I seriously hate arguments.

Saturday was a wash out. I went out with Ray to Boots to pick something up for Jem (who was too ill to go herself). I had a voucher that offers me half-price on all Boots own health products. What I was buying was Boots own vitamins. At the till, after having my voucher swiped, the price stayed the same. I asked the woman about it and she said, full of fake smiles, that she'd ask someone if I wanted her to. I knew what that meant: I'd stand there for twenty minutes, feeling more and more ill, and then in the end they'd find a way to say it was my fault. So I just sighed at her not to bother, that I didn't even care anymore. I was perhaps a little more arsey to her than I needed to be but I was ill and in no mood for it. Boots always do that with vouchers. There's always a clause so it ends up with you usually paying more than you expected to. Grr. Once that was done I only managed one more shop before my energy levels crashed. We went back to Ray's house for a cup of tea and I nearly fell asleep so he brought me home. I hate, hate, hate not having energy.

All this being ill has meant I've watched a couple of the reality TV shows I usually always miss. I was totally impressed when Christopher Biggins won "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here" this weekend. I was sure Janice was going to get it, which just would have been such a shame, cos, funny as she was, she just wasn't winning material. And then I'm also hooked on Strictly Come Dancing, and am of course supporting the Welsh guy Gethin Jones. Not forgetting the non-reality stuff I'm hooked on too: The Blair Years (I miss you Tony :( ) and Tudors (phwoooar). Do you know what I've learnt? That TV isn't as bad as I believed it to be.

The weekend picked up for me yesterday. There was a big wind-storm and a big slab of glass from next door's conservatory blew down our drive. Luckily no one was in the garden at the time so there were no casualties. Then in the evening Ray and I went down the harbour and ate chips. The car was rocking dangerously back and for but Ray assured me it wasn't going to tip. It didn't. And when I got home the pups were running wild in the living-room. When they got sleepy I got to cuddle them on the sofa with Ray, which was really nice and cosy.

And today is the start of a new week. The pups are being put into their new routine now, which means I have exactly ten minutes before I have to be downstairs with them. New routines usually kick the mopiness out of me so I'm hoping this week should see my mood improving. I just need some good news; that'd cheer me up immediately. Constant bad news is just not good for a person.

Oh, and expect the new layout on here very soon. I'm very close to completeing it :)

Labels: arguing, family, jem, layout, neighbours, puppies, ray, shopping, tv, weather, websites

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

The week's looking a bit better now. Not amazingly so, but at least I've got my energy levels nearly back to normal. Having a shower in the morning does pretty much wipe me out for about thirty minutes afterwards but that's much better than the two-hours it's been all week. I'm actually doing some washing now so I must be feeling a lot better - either that or I'm just running out of clean clothes ;)

I'm afraid to say my parents still aren't talking to me. To be honest, I want an apology for the lies told about me so I don't think I'm making the situation any easier. Soon enough I'll cave in, though, the way I always do. I absolutely hate arguing so I pretty much do anything to avoid it.

To cheer myself up, Ray and I have been making plans for New Years Eve. I did mention a while ago about a little something we were planning. Well, we have got something booked up now but cos it costs so much money we're at the moment trying to see if another place is available instead, which will be much cheaper. It would mean we weren't away for the actual New Years Eve but for the three nights before instead. I guess we can just wrap up warm New Years Eve and go and sit at the top of my hill and be alone up there, watching the fireworks, welcoming in the New Year. Nothing's confirmed yet so I'll just have to patiently wait another couple of weeks.

How can I not be happy, though, when I've got the babies here? Be Warned: this link contains serious squee. They make me melt every single time I see them. I wish I could keep Dolores... Sweepie would hate me for it, though; she doesn't share her mother with anyone ;)

By the way, I've dropped the price of my book "Shadows" - took me a while to figure out how to do it! It's now 9.99 in book form. It'd make a great Christmas present ;) Hehehehe.

I have absolutely no plans for the weekend so fingers crossed it might turn out to be quite a good one ;) So I hope you all have good ones too!

Labels: arguing, family, illness, new years, puppies, self-publishing, shadows, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

I've been unconscious since the weekend. My small cold turned nasty.

Saturday I spent the afternoon in bed watching the Wales V South Africa rugby match. I managed to get up at half-time and say hello to two sets of aunts and uncles (from my mother's side) who'd popped round. They don't just "pop round" very often. They live in England, we live in Wales. For some reason they never come to see us, whereas I know a lot of them do pop in on my uncle who lives ten minutes away.

The evening was spent on the sofa. Mammy got really weird - Post Sibling Visit Syndrome - and started saying some really messed up things. For some reason I found myself defending aunts and uncles I barely even know. Well, she was saying some weird stuff. As always, she took offence to what I said, and I was deemed the anti-Christ and that was that - she hasn't spoken to me since. Although she has been making up lies about me picking on one of the dogs - which is just insane cos I adore all the dogs. Her and my younger sister had a good old bitch. Younger sister stupidly told Jemma about it, who of course told me. I confronted Mammy about it; she was left speechless cos obviously her lie had been presented to her face. I don't think we've said more than two words to each other since. Ahh family dramas.

Of course, she had to pick now to have her funny five minutes, didn't she? I mean, I'm quite clearly ill as ill can be - and there she is picking fights! I haven't had the energy to fight back, hence the no talking.

My illness has got progressively worse. I didn't sleep at all Monday night and so spent Tuesday (yesterday) in a state of semi-consciousness. I sent Ray home at 9pm and crawled into bed with a bowl of Vicks and a towel over my head. I don't know whether it was just the Vicks but I slept pretty much right through the night. I'm feeling almost human again today.

It's my younger sister's birthday tomorrow, so if I don't blog again: Happy Birthday, Amber. She's going to be nineteen. Which is super weird cos she only seems about sixteen. I'm glad I'm feeling a bit better today cos I've got to get to a shop and buy her a card. I've had her present here for ages but now I've just got to summon up the energy to get to a shop.

I hate being ill. This week truly has been the worst week of 2007. I've not only been ill, been arguing with my parents, been ostrasised by them, but I also had some super shitty news about the something I didn't want to mention in one of the earlier posts. Yes, sounds cryptic, I know, but I'd just rather not talk about it. So all in all this week has sucked.

Labels: amber, arguing, birthday, daddy, family, illness, jem, mammy, ray, rugby

by Ys | COMMENTS? 5 | permalink |

The problems I thought I'd be having my parents didn't actually materialise. Sometimes I think I wrongly expect the worst from them. I know I can't be blamed for thinking that way but it does make me feel bad when I'm proved wrong (except it makes me feel good at the same time, as well, obviously). They've been great this weekend - both of them. I think, as a lot of us do, especially when we're young and wrapped up in our own lives, I forgot to look at it from their perspective. From some things that they've said this weekend I think they're a little worried about what it'll be like for them when me and Jem move out next year. They'll still have Amber at home but two of their pups will have gone and that's a big section of the pack to lose. I think their recent behaviour has been a knee-jerk reaction to our plans to move out (not exclusively, obviously, I am well aware their lives do not solely revolve around me). It's sort of like their preparing little obstacles to keep themselves busy during the transition. And I think as an adult I need to let them have those obstacles. They didn't do it to make me feel like crap, didn't do it to prove that my problems were nothing and were allowed to be ridiculed whereas my other siblings are not; they did it because they needed to. And they've made a big show this weekend of making sure I didn't feel abandoned or over-looked, and that what I went through (and continue to go through) is not being ignored. We've had our problems through the years and when my parents act so caringly, so considerate of my feelings (regardless of my other two sisters, who they look after in which ever way they need) I am always surprised into silence and bemusement. It's been a good weekend with them. I feel very blessed.

Last night Ray, Jem and I went down the pub to watch the England V France match. It was very boring. Some of the younger boys kept stripping and jumping around the room in all their glory. While the older boys gave us some dirty looks and ignored us for the rest of the night. Ahh the rugby club, how I love it.

I had a take-out pizza last night, as well, mmm. Then Ray and I watched Moulin Rouge, which is such a bad film but the ending always makes me cry. Ray distracted me from my upset, though. I slept like a log last night. Best sleep I've had all week.

Now I've upset Sweepie by telling her off for jumping on the laptop. She's pouting at the end of the bed. Oh dear... Best go give her some attention...

Labels: daddy, family, films, jem, life, mammy, moving out, ray, rugby, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |

The Fightstar gig did go ahead, even though Lexi had laryngitis and Charlie had a throat infection. They'd been told by doctors to cancel the gig but they'd decided against it - and I was so glad of that :)

Like at the Editors gig there wasn't a huge queue when we wandered down at about 6pm so we went back to the pub up the road for a drink. We went back down half an hour later and met up with a cute boy we'd met at the last Fightstar gig we'd been to. He had a girl with him who I think wanted to be his girlfriend and she wasn't pleased by our presence to start with - what with us being in our twenties and they being only about fifteen. But after some bonding over the awful toilets in the venue everything was much better.

It was in TJ's in Newport (yes, I was back in Newport again), but it wasn't like the last time I went, which had the potential of being the best or worst gig of my life. Luckily, it was the best. But this time we found they'd moved the stage across the other side of the room. It wasn't any more safe than where it had originally been. If you get crushed there's nowhere to go cos the bar is right up against the stage, and against the bar are all the amps. Jem and I decided not to go down the centre and so went to the left of the stage. Lucky really cos one of the support acts, with his bottle of wine (oh how rock 'n roll), decided to repeatedly jump into the crowd, crushing the kids in the front row. It looked fun but I would never have held him up. In fact when he came over our side everyone sarpered so he couldn't jump off onto us, which really made me laugh, cos there was just one girl stood there in the middle of this huge circle of emptiness. Hehehe.

Fightstar didn't come on 'til gone ten, which is stupidly late really. But as soon as they came on, ill or not, they got the crowd going. I pretty much died during the forty minutes they were on stage for. I jumped, I pushed, I sang along, I sweated. It was great but it was exhausting.



You can see a video Jem posted on Youtube HERE.

They played pretty much all my favourite songs, and Charlie seemed to be feeling very sentimental and kept thanking us all for supporting them, etc. Bless. He and Lexi did look seriously sick, though. Poor lambs.

I managed to crawl back into the bar after the gig and deafened the poor girl taking my order - I'd spent the gig stood in front of a speaker and so was deaf. I drank that drink down in one go and then finished half off Jemma's as well. I don't know how I got out of the chair; I don't even know how I limped back to the hotel. Omahr was outside signing autographs as we wandered past and I got on the phone to Ray to squee on about the gig.

Back at the hotel, having said goodnight to Ray, I collapsed facedown on the floor. I managed to roll over and drag myself up onto the bed. Jem and I spent the rest of the night eating Salt N Vinegar Pringles while babbling our way through a weird film where some men were climbing a mountain in a snowstorm - and they all kept dying. I don't know how it ended cos I fell asleep.

Getting home the next day was awful. We got up early so we could take advantage of the free breakfast at the hotel. So we caught an earlier train home than what we were meant to. But the train was so slow that we ended up missing our bus home. So we had to hang around in town for another hour or so. Then the bus was late. And it was the bus that drops us off about two miles from home so we had to walk. Urgh. I got back to find a rather big bruise covering my left knee/leg from the gig, which I'm quite proud of :) I fell asleep within fifteen minutes of getting home. Sweepie curled up on my shoulder and we stayed that way for two hours. Yum.

Now it's back to normal routine again, which isn't fun. I'm having some problems with my parents and their ... I don't even know how to word it. I don't even know if I want to blog about it. Families, eh? They're all insane. At least I'll be out of here in a few months - and until then I will have puppies to occupy my thoughts with in a couple of weeks. I should just let the rest of my family do their thing and not let it encroach on my own life, right? Yeah, that sounds sane.

Labels: family, fightstar, gigs, life, photos, public transport, video

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

Yesterday might have been the best of summer for me. It was just one of those really nice days where everything was... well, nice.

The day started, as I said yesterday, with walking the horses from the bottom field to the top. That's an uphill walk and I do not do hills very well. I don't know why. I just think I don't have the legs for it - or the stamina or something. I've just always been crap with uphills. Even when I was a child I used to have to stop halfway up a hill for a breather. Crap lungs, I guess. I had two uncles, one aunt and two second-cousins with me yesterday. Everyone found the beginning of the hill hard but there didn't seem to be any stopping so I just let Meg's head go down into the grass - "Oops! Meg don't eat grass," I said outloud. "Stay there, good girl," I added under my breath. But after that brief stop I was okay. Me and my aunt walked up the back (meg also struggles with hills cos she's older) and just chatted all the way up the hill. Then we hit the flat of the cycle track and Meg decided she wanted to go up front, and suddenly had some spring in her step! That's okay for me - I can walk on flat for hours - it's the ups and downs I'm crap on. So I made it to the field in once piece. The horses got excited once in the field and me and Mammy got booted aside a little and only just stumbled out in time.

Then all of us humans had to walk back down to the original field via the park to get back to our cars. I ended up talking with one of my uncles - the one I looked after the house of - and he was telling me tales about when he and my gran thought they'd killed me this one time when they put me on a huge round-about and got it spinning really fast and I slowly slid off it and bounced across the park. I was okay but they didn't tell Mammy - except once in later years - in case she never let me and Jem go stay with them again, hehehe. Most of the injury stories from when I was a child involves me bouncing away from harm. I was a rather round child, I suppose...

Back at the cars, I had thanks and kisses off everyone - always nice - and then they set off back home and me and Mammy came back here. There was some lunch and then we went shopping because Mammy wanted to do a BBQ for everyone that night. On the way she told me some jokes, which she forgot the punchlines to so had me laughing for all the wrong reasons. We did some recycling and then headed home.

In the afternoon I sat in one of the garden chairs, curled my feet up underneath me and read my Harry Potter book (nearly finished it now). I did that until I stopped to feed the cats, read some more, then stopped to help with the BBQ. The BBQ-making was fun and we were all very impressed by how well we'd done. Then the men came home from work - Ray first, Daddy late. We ate 'til we burst, shoved an Ice-cream-Mars in as well then collapsed.

After a mug of coffee we took Martha and Sweepie up the road for an evening walk, which are always nice. Then it was back home for a game of Halo 2 for Ray because he's stuck on this one bit (we all got stuck there but me and Jem have completed it now and Ray is most embarrassed at being beaten by a couple of girls, espeically when he's been playing the game like an expert for years). He's still stuck!

We then cuddled up on the sofa to watch "Big Brother". Anyone else think this Halfway House stuff is a bit crap? To be honest, it all seems to have gone a bit pants now. We've had the conclusions to two of the main things: 1. Charlie got evicted and now knows she is a silly bitch (well, whether she knows it or not I don't know actually...); 2. Chanelle finally realised Ziggi was treating her like crap and only saying he liked her to look good when really he doesn't want her at all. So after some late-night dry-humping, the next day he dumped her, and said some rather nasty things; after that she pretty much decided she'd be better off leaving. She seems really nice out of the house, as well. But in the house seems boring at the moment. The new housemates are pants, the original housemates are just sad and mopey cos their friends either keep leaving or getting shoved into the Halfway House. All seems a bit lame. It'd better pick up again soon.

I ended the night with my Harry Potter book again :) Very nearly finished it now. Which will be sad, but good, like it always is when you finish a book you're enjoying.

And that was my Best Day of Summer... so far...

Labels: bbq, big brother, daddy, family, halo, harry potter, horses, jem, life, mammy, martha, ray, reading, sweepie

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Ray now officially owns Little Red. He had heaps of work done on him last week (new exhaust, fix the hole in the water tank, clutch tightened, brakes sorted, etc., etc.) and was returned to us yesterday. I was really excited to see the little red tincan driving down the drive again :) And do you know? He only has 0.05% emmissions. How environmentally friendly is he?

This is only Ray's second owned car. The first being Baz, who we both loved so very, very much. There was a week-long fling with a purple death-trap that his uncle gave him, which thankfully died before it killed us, and now he's bought Little Red after borrowing it from his boss for the past six months. So tonight LR gets a good clean out - get rid of all that plumbing/kitchen-fitting nonsense that's always hanging around on the backseat and in the boot. Well, the plan is that Ray cleans while I sit and watch - his idea, not mine. Now that's a good boyfriend, huh?

Today I've been roped into moving the horses from the bottom field to the top one. The other way round would have been better because that would have been all downhill but... The hill isn't too bad, I suppose, and if it is I'll just throw up on the side of the road. Hehehe. My uncle and aunt are coming down as well because their granddaughter and grandson (my second cousins) are going to ride the horses. I get the bigger mare - Meg - while Mammy will bring the little boy - Potsyn - up the rear. Meg walks much faster than Potsyn so my plan is to keep on stopping with the pretence that I'm waiting for Mammy to catch up... ;) I just have to find a way to amuse an eight-year-old boy while he's riding the horse now, though. What the heck should I talk to him about? When I have to talk to Ray's nephews/cousins I usually just let them do the talking or else cuddle them on my lap - I can't do that this time, I have a feeling the boy's shy! Eek!

Labels: baz, car crash, family, horses, life, little red, ray

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I had a lovely surprise yesterday: a bouquet of flowers from Ray :)



Little sneak snuck off to town before coming over to see me even though he was meant to be doing pretty much nothing so that he'd get better quicker. Can't deny the flowers were/are lovely. They're sitting on my window-ledge now.

Because Ray was feeling a bit better we decided to replant the peas, cucumbers, tomatoes and peppers because some of them have outgrown their wee pots already. Already! I was fascinated by their root work. My God, my children know how to grow!

First up was the one cucumber-plant that had grown:



Next up was the one giant pea-plant:



Then it was the tomatoes:



It was a little sad, seeing them going into such big pots. I think we managed to grow eight tomato-plants, which I was very impressed by.

We then decided we'd break open some of the other pots that looked pretty lifeless and see what had happened to the rest of our children. Turned out we had an infestation of little white worms that were burrowing into the seeds. But we managed to rescue quite a few - cos my children are strong and were still fighting to grow even when they were under attack. We re-planted two of the cucumber-plants, two of the tomatoes, three of the peppers, as well as leaving the remaining five peppers in their original pots to see if they would grow; and five of the peas in their original pots too.

The family is growing larger every day! But even though some of my older, stronger children have moved out into the shed, I still got to keep seventeen of the smaller, weaker ones. They're back upstairs on my window-ledge where I can keep an eye on them.

Proud mother alert:



You never know, these plants might keep my clucky feelings at bay, which do come and go at varying strengths. I think raising plants may be just a little bit easier than an actual human baby, though ;)

(Hand-model was Ray)

Labels: family, photos, ray, veg

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I did go to A+E to see about my swollen foot. I really didn't want to go. Pouted all the way there - even a box of French Fancies couldn't cheer me up. There was only one other person in A+E so I pretty much went straight in. The doctor prodded my foot and because it didn't hurt (it doesn't when you poke it, maybe when you slide your finger up the foot a bit but not prodding it) he said it was just swelling and it would go down eventually. I'm not sure he listened to my "There's a strange lump on my foot" part at all. But, never mind, it's all done now. It aches now more than anything. It feels like all the bones in my foot have arthritis. Sure that's perfectly normal... Didn't I say nothing with me is ever straight-forward?

My younger sister has gone to Glastonbury so while we've been watching the live music into the early hours of the morning, like we usually do, we get to try and spot her as well. So far I haven't see her. It's been raining a lot, as is usual for Glastonbury, so I hope she hasn't been washed away in mud.

(The title of today's post is a line from The Used's song "Hospital". I've still got the album on repeat. I think I can safely say I've fallen in love with it :D)

Labels: family, illness, the used

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Time is nearly up. Nearly time to return home. I can't say I'm excited by that prospect. Rather unusually for me, I've been moping over the return home for the past couple of days. I didn't think I'd mope quite so much. It's pretty pathetic. Moping won't change anything. I just have to be patient. Keep following the dream.

I had a Life Chat with Ray last night and I said how it would be easier for us all to move out if I was earning a regular wage. I said how I wanted to feel bad about not having a quote-unquote normal job but I enjoy my writing so much I find it difficult to feel too guilty. He asked why I should feel guilty. I think his exact words were, "Yeah, but who actually cares that you don't have a normal 9-5 job?" That stumped me. Cos for many years pretty much everyone cared. I had family members who barely knew me or the situation having a pop at me at any available opportunity (part of the reason I refuse to do the Family Visits these days), friends of my parents who again didn't know the situation, having a go at me; my parents made me feel like a worthless piece of crap. Apparently you're only worth something if you have a 9-5 job. Well, that's how it was. Things changed when I started dog-sitting properly a couple of years ago. Now I have my own money coming in regularly-ish (I usually do get money at least once every couple of months) my parents no longer hassle me. I no longer see the family members who hated me for not being normal, and my parents' so called friends are no longer friends so I don't see them either. So, yes, Ray posed a good question - who does actually care now? I couldn't think of anyone. For the first time since leaving school I am getting no hassles from anyone about my career choice. I found that quite liberating.

Of course, it doesn't help with me wanting to move out of home. I know I'd need to get my books published for that to happen. On my terms anyway. Buying houses is completely out of the question cos none of us three (me, Jem and Ray) have hundred's of thousands of pounds saved up. And renting is just out of our reach at the moment as well. But we're perservering (sp?). As Ray also said last night: "You're happy how things are at the moment, though, aren't you?" I am. Living together would be great - it took me two-and-a-half weeks to realise that living with Ray would be great - but we're more than happy as we are at the moment so there's no need to get hysterical about it.

In the end, I guess all I can say is what I always say: everything happens for a reason, and it'll all work out as it's meant to.

Labels: family, life, ray, writing

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The snow melted. Actually, by the next morning it barely looked as though it had snowed much at all! There was complete chaos for twenty-four hours and then it was all gone again. Mammy spent the night at work cos she couldn't get home. Daddy had to abandon the car on his way home from work and walked the rest of the way. Ray's car got stuck so Jem and I ended up pushing it most of the way up the hill - yes, up hill! It snowed all day and by the time lunchtime hit the snow was even taller than Sweepie! It was lots of fun. We spent the night playing Halo on the big TV downstairs. But, like I say, by the following morning the chaos was over, Mammy got home and everything went back to normal. A very weird day I have to say.

I then had another weird day - night. Tuesday was Ray's uncle's birthday so we all went down for a meal for him. The meal was very yummy and we all ate 'til we burst. Then the women retired to the living room to look at wedding dresses and venues (Ray's sister is getting married next year) - eek, not my thing at all so I just watched "The Simpsons" on TV. After a while I ended up with the kids sat around me and then played catch with a new baseball glove. Everyone ended up leaving at about 9 and once they were gone Ray's aunt announced that someone within the family had said on a website that she was bisexual. At first I didn't understand what was wrong but it soon became clear that she was shocked that such a "big thing" was posted online before it being announced to the family. After much conversation, I felt I had to admit that I am bisexual. This shocked her all over again. And when Ray joined in as well she nearly fainted. I've never had to "come out" about my sexuality before. At home we're all very open and I'm always asking Daddy if he thinks a guy is cute or not. It's just the way I was raised. When I started dating Ray I did the same to him - and we now argue over who's going to have Justin Timberlake (me, obviously). It was decided it must be a generation/age thing and that although Ray and I felt that sexuality was just a thing that wasn't even worth discussing, Ray's anut and uncle still saw it as a thing that needed to be clarified. I couldn't honestly say I was one way or the other; it really depends on my mood, who I have a crush on, etc. I asked them both if they'd ever even entertained the thought of being with the same sex - they both honestly said no. I was pretty stunned actually. When I told them they were the only people I knew who were 100% straight, who had never had any kind of feelings for the same sex, they seemed surprised. But it was the truth. The only person I know who says they're totally straight is my younger sister but whether or not that means she's never even thought of it I can't say. It was such a weird night. Whether or not there'll be repurcussions from this conversation I'm not sure. I naively thought that no one really gave a crap who you fancied/dated anymore.

Anyway, it's Valentines Day today. This is my first Valentines Day spent with a guy! I've bought Ray two presents just cos I love spoiling him and I actually have some funds to do so. He has "Red Dwarf" series 2 cos I'm slowly building up the collection for him cos he is a little obsessed with the show. And I've bought him some small silver/white earings cos he's been looking for some nice ones for a while now - I really didn't like the huge David Beckham-esque ones he picked last time. I don't think we have any plans for tonight. VD has never really been a big thing for me. Isn't it supposed to be when you ask out a guy/girl you like? Not about people who are already in relationships? I've just used it as an excuse to spoil Ray this year. So if you're brave and ask someone out today: well done and good luck! If you're already in a relationship: happy spoiling and being spoilt!

Labels: family, ray, sexuality, snow, valentines day

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It was Ray and I's eight-month anniversary on Thursday. We went out for a drink and ended up leaving halfway through after getting into a huge fight. We finished the argument in the car and I ended up going home early. That was the biggest argument we've ever had. Trust it to be on an anniversary! Not to worry cos we made up again the next day. I kind of love arguing cos I love the making up.

That day was also SARAH'S 24th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!. I hope you had a great day :D

Saturday I spent the morning arguing with Jemma. Then Mammy brought home her new car, which is bloody huge! It's a stupidly big estate thing. It's very pretty but, damn, it's big. I'll have to get some pictures of it. It's her new baby so I let her drive me around in it for a while to keep my mind off the fact that Ray hadn't come over to see me. But while we wer driving about Ray texted to ask if he could come over :)

So we all had pizza and chips for dinner mmm. Once Daddy got back from the pub Ray and I sat downstairs and laughed at how drunk he and Mammy got and all the random things they were saying about things on the TV. I ended up watching about half of crappy BLADE II. Mammy fell asleep, Ray went home so I put Mammy to bed and then myself.

Yesterday was nice. Ray and I spent the whole day together. Everything is fine between us again. I say again: I might pick fights just so we can have the making up part again :) I bought myself some new hairdye and some ink. I sent off letters to six publishers/agents and I have another two to try once my ink has arrived and I can print out the letters and sample chapters. I also had to buy Ray some gas for his blowtorch cos B&Q wouldn't sell it to him cos he's not twenty-one, which everyone has found very, very funny. That cheered us all up actually after Ray's sister said a tearful goodbye (she's moved to Manchester to live with her boyfriend).

This last week has been such an emotional rollercoaster. I'm hoping for a nice quiet, boring week this week...

Labels: anniversary, birthday, family, ray, writing

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That's not some innuendo about my libido. My knife is actually back. A couple of months ago Ray bought me a JML knife. I know it's not the most romantic of presents but it was something I really wanted. He knows how obsessed I am with JML and their products and the fact that I cut a lot of cheese and salad and so need a good knife. He was going to engrave it and everything but never got round to that part. Well, it went missing a few days ago. I looked everywhere for it but couldn't find it and was really upset. Then I just went to cut a roll and there in the drawer was my knife! I don't know where it had been but it's back now and I am really, sadly, very happy :)

I'm not sure if you noticed but I got my first hate comment yesterday. It was on the previous day's post and it was from my little sister. Yes, my first hate comment came from my baby sister. Says a lot for the type of person I am, huh? Hehehe, no, no I'm not a horrid person - honest. I'm not really sure what I said wrong. I'm not even sure if it was what I said that pissed her off anyway. Sometimes I wonder if she just gets pissed at me cos I'm not as devoted to her as I used to be. Not to get into the dynamics of the past or anything, but there was a good five year period where she was my only thought and I pretty much treated her as if she was my own daughter. That of course got me into trouble with the rest of the family when suddenly parenting became the in thing again but I didn't care really. Sounds soppy but she was worth the hassle. I know we'll always, always have a different relationship to most sisters but for the past year things have gone sour. This time last year she had me not sleeping cos she just completely turned against me and was quite calculated in her bullying - I'm not sure if that's the right word but it was something like that. I ended up having two panic attacks in the space of about an hour and so called things to a head. We talked, got it sorted and I thought everything would be okay. But when I started dating Ray she turned on me a bit again. Looking at it objectively, I guess I could say that she's upset that Ray's my main priority now. But the only problem with that is she didn't seem to even want my attention before he came along anyway. Ahh, I don't even know. Maybe it has nothing whatsoever to do with that and I just simply annoy the crap out of her! I should probably just talk to her but I hate confrontations and I just know I'd either end up pissing her off even more or else upsetting Mammy or Daddy in some way. Why are family's so messed up? They're meant to be the easy side of relationships, aren't they?

Actually, I'm going to talk to her now. I'm an adult and can cope with confrontations now, right? Right.

Edit: A hug later and everything is fine. Lovely. I can go to Pizza Hut tonight without worrying about it :)

Labels: family, jml

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The weekend was good.

I didn't have to go to the rugby. I was planning on going but Jem was really ill and then Ray got ill as well so I didn't. I spent the afternoon looking after them both while playing Halo 2. Yes, I've completed 1 and have already moved onto 2. I don't know what I'm going to do once I've completed this one cos there is no 3. I'll have to find a new game to get obsessed over.

I didn't think I'd end up going out Saturday night but Ray got better at about 9ish so I suggested we go for a drink. We went down to see the rugby boys but there weren't many left. In fact, only the middle-aged ones were - and I don't get on with them well. I walked in and one of the more disgusting ones walked around behind me and said something about how I hadn't been shagged up the arse yet! I'm curious as to how he'd know such a thing just from looking! Understandably, Ray got pissed off with him, especially when he continued being an arse. In the end his friend took him away. We only stayed for one drink cos there was only the kids left. I don't mind being there with the kids, they're decent enough, but I'd already exhausted that avenue of conversation the night before. The kids are quite slutty, you see, and like to sleep with one another on a rotational basis. I didn't understand how it all worked so Ray told me what he'd learned from them during his stint of working behind the bar. I was fascinated, to be honest.

Anyway, we decided the other pub would be better so we went there. And it was. Much better. Even got a free drink off Ray's boss! In fact, we were so deeply engrossed in conversation we didn't notice the pub had emptied and the barman had even cleared away the bar. Oops.

Sunday we took Sweepie for a long walk. We're teaching her to come back when she's called. Her main issues is with cars. She just doesn't like them. When they drive past her she lunges at them. And if she's off the lead when they go past she chases them! Which is no good at all really. She was surprisingly very, very good. And she's quite slutty - she found about four different boyfriends during her walk. She was exhausted by the time we got back to the car and slept on my lap all the way home. Aww.

It was great when we got back cos Mammy had cooked dinner so I didn't even have to cook! It was funny cos Daddy pulled the table out and set place-mats down and stuff just cos Ray was there. Usually we all eat in front of the TV! It was quite sweet really cos they're both trying to get to know Ray now cos I think they've just worked out he’s sticking around - took them seven months to figure that one out! Plus Daddy's been a right arse to me lately so I think he's trying to make it up to me by being nice to Ray. My younger sister didn't take to it all very well at all and ended up stomping around, pushing Ray very rudely out of the way. By the time I'd figured out what she'd done she'd already ran off again so I couldn't even tell her off for it. It was too good a day to spoil arguing anyway so neither one of us could be bothered to argue with her about it.

We were gonna go down the pub again last night (like, the fourth day in a row now I think!) but it was closed so we just headed back to Ray's to say hello to everyone.

Today I got back to my writing. At last, it's all working again! I hate it when I can't write. (read more) It doesn't happen often but when it does I panic like hell. And tonight I'm getting food cooked for me by Ray so that's my second day without having to cook. I could get used to this. . .

Oh, and I was lucky this time: the tonsil only hurt for a couple of days. So hopefully there'll be no more tonsil ache for the rest of the year!

Labels: family, halo, illness, pub, rugby, sweepie, writing

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I'm dog-sitting again. Back at my favourite place. I was meant to be here for a couple of days next week but the dates of his work got changed so I ended up here today instead. Working on a Sunday? Isn't that a sin? Yes, I think it is, so, shh, don't tell God.

It meant I had to actually get out of bed this morning - a chore on most days but an especially bad one today considering I had my boy in there. Cos I share a room with my other half (my other half is my sister because she literally is the bad/whiney side of me that is never shown by, well, me) I can't invite Ray to stay over as much as I'd like. But when he does stay it's always fun cos we all wake up at the same time and I have to listen to them two bickering on like they're the siblings and I'm the guest. And I love it! I couldn't have dated anyone who didn't understand/put up with Jem. In fact, she once had a very brief fling with a guy a couple of years ago who completely did not get how close we are. And he ended up telling me to fuck of repeatedly. What a charmer. Incidently, he now has a new girlfriend and will no longer speak to either of us.

Friday night I did manage to keep Ray for most of the night - only then we were on the sofa. He had, foolishly, agreed to pick up Daddy after his end-of-work sprint around town and Daddy didn't end up calling until 1:30am. We then had to listen to him exclaiming how meeting an old friend had been like having an orgasm! Sometimes I love my father so much. He flatly refused to believe it was 2am when we got home. I sent him to bed and he apparently woke up Mammy and told her a story arse-backwards so that it sounded as if he'd been pairing up with another woman! Once he was gone, Ray and I fell asleep at about 3. But that damn sofa is uncomfortable so at 7 he drove home and I fell asleep in my bed for couple of hours before Jemma was shaking me awake saying I had to get ready for the rugby.

I'd completely forgotten about that!

And I wish I had stayed in the dark because it was beyond boring. I froze on the side of the pitch. I have thick ski socks this year and even they didn't protect my feet. I only got the feeling back in the tip of my left big toe two hours after the game had finished! Back at the pub was looking boring. Until the other team, all dressed up as film characters, came to sit with us. They were a great bunch of guys. I laughed so much. And when Ray arrived, they didn't get funny with me or him, as my boys do, but were actually really nice and included us in the conversations they were, mainly, having with Jem - being the desired blonde, single female that she is ;)

Once they left we ditched the rugby and headed out for food. While we were out my camera broke! I got quite panicked until Jem offered her camera for loan and Ray offered his when/if Jem's wasn't around for me. I was so touched by that. They both know how much I love my camera and just how many pointless photos I take in a week and were both offering up their own babies for me to borrow. When we got home, I went to package up the camera to send back to fuji - it is only seven months old so they really should fix it for free - and it fell straight through an envelope onto my bedroom floor. Ray asked if he could try the camera again, just in case the bump had fixed it. And would you believe it - it worked! The problem was a "focusing error" so whatever had been jamming the lens had been knocked free. Jem's old camera had the same problem and Fuji said they wanted over £100 to fix it so she said no and bought a new one. Now she's given me permission to drop the camera on the floor to see if it fixes it. Of course, I do not recommend you do this with your own faulty cameras. And if you do please bear in mind that my bedroom floor is carpeted.

I smoked a cigarette this weekend. The first one in about five years or so. I didn't take too much of the smoke down cos I wasn't sure how my lungs would take it. It was amazing, though. My lungs opened up and I could breathe in a way I used to breathe two months ago before I got this damn chest infection. I was so happy. Of course, when I woke up later in the night close to having an asthma attack I wasn't quite so happy... The original feeling was so good I was actually seriously considering taking up the habit. Plus, why is it guys look so good when they smoke? It's just not fair that something as skanky as smoking has to look so good. That sight will be saved for special times of the year I think...

Oh! And I've had my first Christmas present: a pair of Father Christmas slipper socks. To keep my feet warm. And we all exchanged Christmas cards last night as well. I think I may actually be feeling Chrismassy now... No, wait, that might have just been the chocolate doughnut I ate.

Labels: christmas, dog-sitting, family, illness, photos, rugby

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I lost my favourite vest-top/jumper this morning. I was a little confused as to where it could have gone because the last time I wore it was about two weeks ago. After checking through my cupboard, the pile of clothes I always leave on my chair and my chest of drawers, I decided to look in the only other place it might be. Sometimes my mother "accidently" puts other people's clothes in my younger sister's room. She doesn't actually but she says it's her fault if other people's clothes are found in my little sister's room. Unless she's on one of her kicks, and then the little sister is called a thief and all that nonesense. When I went into the room my little sister was in there. I told her what I was looking for but she said she hadn't seen it. Okay, yes, she often lies so I thought I'd better check myself. But she was on the phone (to her boyfriend, I think) and my presence in the room was suddenly a great discomfort. You'd swear she was making a deal of some kind to her pimp or drug dealer the way she carried on. Anyway, I didn't find the jumper. Didn't mean it wasn't in there, of course, just that I hadn't been quite brave enough to go through all the many layers of clothes that act as a carpet. You never quite know what you're going to find in there - old food gone green, etc. I went back into my room, began combing through my wet hair, panicking, wondering what the hell I could have done with my top. When I looked down and found it. Scrumbled up on the floor at the end of my bed. Then I remembered when I'd last worn it. And when it had quite quickly been taken off again, discarded on the floor and forgotten all about. So, panic over: the top has been found and the memory really made me smile.

Then I received a spectactularly nice letter from a publisher. I'd sent them some chapters of my book Soul Mates I: The Path To Destruction about two months ago. I hadn't heard anything back from them and so I assumed it was another no. Well, it was a no but it was a positive one. The lady said she totally agreed with me that there was a big market for such a story, she said she thought the story was good, that it was well-paced and she enjoyed it. Unfortunately the book was too big for their company because they only have about five books a year. My book too big a challenge! I was quite impressed with that. It was a no and I don't like the endless rejection letters you get - you know the deal: publisher's won't read your work unless you have an agent, an agent won't read your work unless you have a publisher - but it was very inspiring all the same. It really did make me smile. A lot.

And just last night I found out that my laptop wasn't quite as dead as I first thought. Yes, it is clearly not as good as it once was, but it may not be yet dying so quickly. Turns out the battery is upsetting it. So all I need is a new battery. What with Christmas round the corner I am quietly confident my baby will be back in full working order by January. Until then I've taken the battery out and am using it totally on mains power.

All this smiling really did cheer me up. Because yesterday I went back to see the doctor and she said that there is absolutely no reason why a girl my age, as a non-smoker, I should still have this chest infection. And she said if this new course of medicine doesn't work she's going to send me for chest x-rays! And a visit to the Asthma Clinic. I'm a little scared by the x-ray possibility, especially considering last time I was anywhere near a hospital I ended up moving in.

The only bad thing to have happened this morning actually is that my parents' male dog pissed on my bed! Thankfully, it wasn't all over the quilt (I have no idea how I'd have cleaned that up); he aimed it on the knitted blanket my Gran made. Even more annoying than that was my father's reaction: that it was my fault. I'm tempted to go and piss on my father's bed and see how he likes it...

Labels: dogs, family, illness, laptop, writing

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I argued with Ray last night.

We don't do it often. Neither of us are really into the whole arguing thing. The only time I like to argue is when I know I'm 100% in the right. That doesn't happen often so I don't argue. Strangely, I find arguing with family members really stressful. I think it's cos I have to live with them. Plus that pesky love thing gets in the way of really enjoying a good slanging match. Plus, deep down I just want everyone to like me. Sad.

So last night Ray and I argued. About... Stupid stuff really. I asked if we could go somewhere last night and he said that was fine, although when he turned up I had a feeling he wasn't completely happy with it (pouting, quiet, you know the routine). But off we went. Then he suddenly piped up that he'd had other plans for the night - and there were people expecting us! Well, that just wound me up cos he hadn't told me anything about it.

We got home. He knew he'd pissed me off so badgered me into talking to him about it. I told him he'd annoyed me, that the people expecting us were going to blame me and not him, and that was just damn unfair cos I hadn't know anything about it. The funny thing was that we had a really good time arguing. It wasn't like a proper shouting match; it was a complete laugh. We were laughing all the time while also feeling annoyed, which is just weird.

By the end of the night it was as if nothing had happend. Those kind of arguments are fun - the ones where no one holds a grudge. Usually only Jemma argues with me like that. But she likes to shout and scream and swear, which I'm not really into unless I'm losing my temper in a big way, which doesn't happen very often.

So who am I going to argue with next...?

Completely unrelated: New Photos on the Photo Site.

Actually I sense an argument brewing. My younger sister has stolen Jemma's favourite top and ruined it. It does look quite horrific. Yep. Here comes an argument. Why do younger siblings steal? I never did and I'm both a younger and older sibling. I guess the youngest is always spoilt and therefore believe themselves to be untouchable.

I don't want to talk about this on here actually. Family shit.

Labels: christmas, family, photos, ray

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