Unreality Vs Reality

I've resurfaced for a little while; thought I'd better enter the real world and see what's happening ;) I am seriously that bad; the game has me absolutely smitten. I'm up to level five already, which doesn't sound like a lot, but I have only been playing it for three days. I'm kind of upset it's grabbed me cos I can't get anything done anymore. At least it's not affecting my writing, not in a negative way anyway. Oblivion might not be anything like "Olimpia Valley" (or anything else I write for that matter) but it hasn't stopped the inspiration from flooding my senses. I won't be able to write again until Tuesday, though, cos we have the big Inspection By The Landlord on Monday to contend with. Which also means a weekend of cleaning, cleaning and cleaning (with some Oblivion playing, of course).

The visit from the landlord has set me off into my daydreams of what if he says... My whatif this time is What if he was to say he'd sell us the house if we rented it for at least two years? (which gives him time to pay off the mortgage using our rent). I have wonderful plans for this house; this house that will probably never be mine. Such as the full upstairs extension to go with the downstairs one, which would add two massive rooms to the upstairs area. That would add so much value to the house. And would also give me an office for writing. I'd also put the back-door in the kitchen instead of having those silly crappy double patio doors that we have in the back-room. Those doors would then be filled in (like next door) and we'd have a lovely big picture window there. And don't even get me started on the back garden... Bye-bye huge decking and hello green grass and a perfectly proportioned raise decking area. Hmm such big plans ;)

But to start with we have to get through the Inspection. The house is usually always clean so I'm not too worried. If the weather holds out I want to do the gardening tomorrow, then Sunday we're all going to pitch in and give the house one final rub down to make it sparkle that extra bit more.

Which is why this Oblivion crush should not have started now. It should have held off for another week! Now all I'm thinking about is what mission to take on next and whether or not I should join the Mages Guild yet or just stick with the Fighter's Guild for a little while longer... ;)

Labels: cleaning, house stuff, landlord, life, oblivion, writing, xbox 360

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |  

I Have Entered Oblivion

I thought I'd give the game a try yesterday and now no longer want to be parted from it for very long. It was a wrench to get me upstairs to my writing this afternoon. My only plan of action was to set a profile up for Jem and get her to play; that way I had no other choice than to leave and do some work. I am an now an Imperial lady, most commonly referred to as the Hero of Kvatch; the one who closed the Oblivion Gate.

I'm hooked. I'm even dreaming in Oblivion. Still, we all need a vice, right? At least I'm not drinking or smoking. What's got you hooked this week?

Labels: jem, life, oblivion, xbox 360

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

Bank Holiday Holiday

I'm in the middle of a small holiday. I didn't think I'd ever get one of these again! I haven't gone away anywhere but due to a Bank Holiday weekend and an extra day off work on top of that, Ray and I are having a little break together in the house. And it's been so much fun.

Friday morning Jem's friend Gesine and her boyfriend Will came down to stay for a couple of days. I'm quite shy with new people (okay they're not new-new but I haven't seen either of them in about a year or so) so I struggled with things to say but that was okay cos I was only in part-time hostess mode. With them being Jem's friends I got to take it easy :) It was the best thing for me cos they'd go out in the mornings/afternoons and have time together as friends and then in the evening we'd all come together and have hours worth of conversations about music and ... well, Martha ;) Will tried to tune Ray's guitar, which just reminded me how much fun it is to listen to boys play guitars. I will get on Ray's case to play more often! We had a lovely meal down the local pub and a few drinks to wash it down with, which loosened my tongue a lot. It was a lovely two days and we were all sad to see them leave Sunday morning. I always get wound up about guests arriving and then by the time they're leaving I'm always sad to see them go. One day I might learn not to get nervous about it. We're trying to persuade Will and his band to do a Welsh tour so that they can come and stay again :)

So then Sunday was Day Three of the long weekend holiday. It was spent visiting all the families. The Olympics ended, which was very sad indeed. I'm going to be lost without it! Today Ray is having a Boy's Day with Dale. Which means I'm catching up with stuff online, writing my diary, and maybe even working on the photo albums, which I haven't done in months! It's a miserable, grey day today. Typical Bank Holiday weather.

Tomorrow the car is going to the garage because yet again it won't start. That will be Day Five of the holiday... the last day. Surprise holidays are so much fun. Probably because there was no pre-planning so really nothing could have gone wrong or been a disappointment. Come Wednesday it's back to reality. Humph.

EDIT TO ADD: Even more exciting news: I'm going to see Coheed & Cambria in December... and they're going to play my favourite album - the entire thing - Good Apollo IV Volume I. This is such a cool idea for a gig! I cannot wait! :D

Labels: friends, holidays, house stuff, jem, life, martha, ray, visitors

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  

Playing Halo

I have my Pill caught in my throat some place. It's making me burp. And it's also making me gag sometimes. I hate little tablets. Only another 83 to go...

Ray's birthday was fun. He adored his presents, which was good, and we got to play a few games of Halo ActionClix. I won... I lost... and I lost again! Stupid special ops guy. It's a really fun game to play. We're going to get a table for the little guys and then they'll be safe from a certain hairy monster who is jealous of them and so wants them eaten.

I decided last night that I have officially been turned into a boy-nerd. Not only is there the excitement over the Halo collectibles, there's also the ActionClix game, which was far too much fun; and then there's my obsession with Oblivion. These are boys things. I think I'm in desperate need of some female friends.

RAY'S BIRTHDAY

Labels: birthday, halo, life, photos, presents, ray, the pill

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

A Trip To Telford

It's Ray's birthday today. He turns twenty-two. When we first started dating he was nineteen. As I keep on reminding him: he'll always be my younger man no matter what his age ;)

The celebrations started Friday night with what I seem to recall was called "the best ever". Saturday we planned a lazy day slobbing around the house, hugging Sweepie and making sure she didn't feel too sad when we left her the following day. It didn't work: she saw me packing and started pouting that night. Sunday was a very early morning wake-up call so that we could be on the road by 8. We weren't actually on the road 'til twenty minutes after that. The wedding vow renewals were lovely. They got it done in a little wood hut, which got me quite excited cos I've always had this vision of my ideal wedding day... I won't give it all away but a hut-like building is in there. The party afterwards at the pub didn't include dancing unfortunately (the singer didn't turn up!) but there was lots of conversations with various members of my family. I rarely get to see my parents' brothers and sisters so when I do I always feel like a stranger. They're all really close so we're always out on our own. Not this time, though; this time we were embraced, which was really nice. I got clucky over my second-cousin who is four years old and doesn't ever shut up. "Are you ready to be tickled, girls?" So dodgy ;) Ray curled his hand over mine, tapped my wedding finger and mouthed "Mine." The night was going great 'til I got really bad stomach pains and had to run to the toilet in fear I was going to vomit. I had to go home by 9pm. I couldn't work out what was wrong until I remembered that I'd taken some painkillers without food. That's what upset my stomach last time. I'd worried my period pain would ruin the night so I took my strong painkillers; turns out they were what ruined it for me in the end. Typical. I missed my mother being hilariously drunk. She's always a laugh when she's drunk ;) She did think the room Ray and I were sleeping in was a toilet... But found out quick enough it wasn't not to cause embarrassment ;)

A TRIP TO TELFORD

Today, it being the actual day of Ray's birthday, Ray and I spent half an hour in bed before we had to get up. He opened his cards and was allowed one of my presents (Series 5 of "Red Dwarf"). Tonight he gets to open the rest, gets to eat banoffi pie, and he has one extra present, which I picked up today in town. I'll gush and share pictures tomorrow. Today I have to wrap presents and get everything ready for him :)

Labels: birthday, family, illness, life, love, mammy, photos, presents, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  

Inspections, Cleaning & Weddings

I'm pretty wiped out this week. I feel like I haven't sat still for more than five minutes.

Last weekend we got a letter from the landlord: we're having an inspection on September 1st. To start with I panicked. This is my home now and the thought of someone coming in here (the someone who actually owns the house) and judging it and me kind of freaked me out a bit. Then I realised I was worrying over nothing. The house is pretty much spotless 90% of the time; we've got all the rooms looking very pretty now; and we love it here, which I think brings an extra element of niceness to the overall feel of the house.

But the inspection has made me go a bit cleaning mad. Well, that and the fact that in between the Olympics watching (yes, still hooked) I get a bit twitchy cos I'm not writing. I always clean much more when I'm not writing. I guess I have all that extra energy and time then, don't I? So I started with the floors. I hoovered and then mopped them all with the special stuff especially for laminate floors. I then moved onto my room. I ended up moving furniture around on my own (the wardrobe was the heaviest!) and have got it looking a bit better in here now. I'm still not 100% happy with it but that's cos it's a square-shaped room and working with a square is all but impossible when you have a big double bed to squeeze in, and an oddly placed radiator to contend with. I then weeded the front garden, pulling all the weeds up on the other side of the wall, too - the road side. I weeded the potted plants out there and then washed the front door cos it looked a bit grubby. Today I plan on cleaning the bathroom, and over the weekend I might tackle the back garden. Phew. I find cleaning strangely theraputic. Plus it should mean the house is sparkling like a new pin when the landlord arrives next month :)

The decision I thought I'd have to make fell through. Well, when something makes you cry you know it's time to walk away and explore other options. I don't think there'll be other options to consider. I think it's all done now. We're all happy where we're at. So - touch wood - no upheavals any time soon :)

The weekend starts now, doesn't it? Mine will be an extra day long because I've got the family wedding and so won't be back 'til Monday. We've all got our pretties (even Ray, who relented and let me drag him round the shops trying to find trousers that fit him - he has such tiny legs! 29 inches! I wear 34 inches! BHS is the only store I found who sell 29inch-length trousers for men.), we've got our drink's money sorted; now I'm just waiting for the pining for Sweepie to kick in. I haven't had to leave her in so long. I doubt she'll miss me, though ;)

Enjoy your weekends! (And don't post too much cos I won't be back online 'til Tuesday to read your blogs ;D)

Labels: cleaning, landlord, life, olympics, ray, renting, shopping, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |  

Growing Up: Fun Or Not?

Thanks for the comments :) It's such a nice surprise to hear so many people thinking adoption/fostering should be my first choice. I suppose times have changed since I was a child. When I told people at the age of about eleven that I wanted to adopt everyone told me I'd change my mind one day, as if to adopt was a lesser way of being a parent. I suppose it helps that celebs do it all the time now. I guess it's the new in thing of the moment. Has to be about the only positive thing that's popular these days ;) As for waiting another year to find out if I even can have children naturally... Well, I've waited the last eleven years so what's another one? Plus I have this feeling that once I start down that road I'll find it's a fairly slippery one and I'll soon find myself more than just interested in it, I'll want it then and there - be that a baby in my womb or a baby/child/teen in my arms from someone else's womb. I think it's sensible to wait, to stay calm, to plan these things through. Children need such a huge amount of attention. I've seen some shocking displays of parenting through my life and I am adamant that I will save not ruin more lives. I think I need to rid myself of some more of my selfish needs first. And that can only come with age. Growing up doesn't have to be all bad, does it? I'm finding some parts are quite fun :)

There might be one more big decision to make this summer. Nothing is definite but we've stumbled across a possible proposition. Both ideas sound good to me and so it's just confusing the hell out of me. My mind hurts from all the thinking.

So in between I'm watching the Olympics pretty much day and night ;) I'm not so devoted that I stay up all night (coverage starts at 2am here) but I do hit the red button and watch all the bits I've missed. It reminds me of when I was hooked on "Big Brother" a few years ago and I used to put the live stream on all day. What a wasted summer that was ;) I'm really enjoying the gymanstics and swimming; and I'm having lots of fun saying which badminton players I could beat with my meagre badminton skills ;) I always really enjoy the Olympics. This is the first time I've not watched them with Daddy and it's not quite the same without him. I might have to pop home and get him to put it on the telly so we can sit in silence together and watch it. We never used to talk, we just used to sit up all night watching it together. You see, that's one of those parts of growing up that isn't fun.

Labels: adoption, children, daddy, fertility, house stuff, motherhood, olympics

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |  

The Big Decisions

First of all: CONGRATULATIONS to Gen & Andy who got married over the weekend! It was such a romantic story; made me go all goose-pimply when she told me :) Good luck with your futures together, guys; may there be much happiness and love.

It seems to be the time for the big decisions in life. Ray and I have had a few conversations this weekend and they've culminated into a decision about one aspect of our future.

For those who don't know: I might not be able to physically conceive or/and carry a child. I had some surgery when I was in my teens to get rid of some out-of-control ovarian cysts and in the process of being mis-diagnosed (GP's are great, aren't they?) they'd grown huge and spun and tangled things up. During the second op' I lost my right ovary and fallopian tube. It's perfectly plausible that I can still conceive. Plenty of women have only one ovary and have babies perfectly fine. But then again plenty don't. I also have no idea what the scar tissue is like and whether or not that will play any part in it.

So, what's that got to do with anything, right? Well, I stumbled across a test that can tell whether or not I am producing any healthy eggs. (For the record: I don't believe I stumbled; I believe I was guided to it.) It won't test for anything else but for me that's one of the big things that hangs like a question mark over everything. Am I even producing any eggs from that one remaining ovary, and are they healthy?

So we've made a plan. My Pill prescription runs out in December. I won't renew it. We'll wait at least six months for my body to run off the effects of The Pill and then we'll take the test. Of course I know it shouldn't take six months for the effects to wear off but a year from now sounded like a good time frame for us. From there we'll make a new decision. That'll depend on many factors. If the test shows I'm fine are we ready to have babies then? Or, do we even want to have children of our own, do we just want to adopt/foster? If the test shows I've got no healthy eggs then I'll probably go to the doctors, get it assessed and find out exactly what's wrong. Then the question will be: are we ready to adopt/foster yet?

This decision doesn't mean we're planning babies for next year; it's just the first step in that direction. I've always wanted to adopt/foster anyway but I'd still like to know whether or not I am capable of conceiving naturally because a part of me really wants to have Ray's baby. But that's all a decision for next year. For now I'm just extremely happy to be moving forward and making that first small step. Coming off The Pill isn't such a big deal, either. It was never really the wonder drug for me - my periods are still heavy and painful, my mood swings are a little extreme on my off-week, and my boobs have grown too big! ;) So come January I'll be starting down the path back to the real hormone-challenged me, and the path to motherhood.

Labels: adoption, fertility, friends, life, marriage, maternal, motherhood, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 5 | permalink |  

There's This & That

I think I may be all blogged out this week. There's not much to talk about...

There's been a trip home to see my parents. There's a dress I want to link to but I haven't got the code for it and I can't find it on the website. It's a strapless wonder at the moment but because it slips down when I raise my arms (don't all strapless dresses do that? So why make them the new in-thing?) I need some straps for it. My mother had a brainwave: use the belt/ribbon that comes with the dress to fashion some straps. So it's at home at the moment waiting for AmberMammy to work her magic. It's extremely pretty. It was a present from Mammy for the wedding-nuptials we're going to in a couple of weeks. Not my wedding nuptials. It's a renewing-the-vows type of thing. It's also an excuse for me to show off Ray to my mother's side of the family. A couple of them have met him already but quite a few haven't. I get to be proud girlfriend for the night :) There's also been a lot of writing this week.

Last night there were some chippie-chips. Jem takes Martha to the groomers every six weeks and it always falls on a Thursday - Shop Day. Because I cannot be bothered to cook again Ray and I always have chippie-chips as a treat. It's this one weird evening every six weeks where it's just me, Ray and Sweepie. We always take Sweepie with us to get the chips and it's just this tantalising taste of what's to come in a few years time. It's great that I can get a taste of things to come and that I like how it tastes. The chips tasted damn fine, too ;)

Today there was badminton - I'm still the champion ;) There will be the Olympics in an hour. And The Tudors this evening. The weekend? I have no idea yet. I think there's some window-shopping with Mammy tomorrow; visits to the families on Sunday; in between hasn't been decided yet. I like it when there's a whole weekend stretching out in front of me like this with very little planned. In fact Friday afternoon/evening is probably my favourite part of the weekend: because there's so much to come and Monday feels like it's weeks away.

Enjoy your Friday, Saturday and Sunday :)

Labels: amber, badminton, blogging, family, in-laws, jem, life, mammy, ray, shopping, the tudors, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |  

How The Day Ended

Ray came home early from work to join me in my lazy day. Well, that wasn't really why he came home early. The why is because his co-woker decided to give himself the day off and didn't inform Ray until an hour after Ray had been sitting in his house waiting to get going! The excuse was the van was broken. Ray had his car, obviously, and therefore they could have gone to work in that but that didn't happen so said he was going to do as much work as he could on his own in the house they're working on. By 2pm he couldn't do anymore cos he needed tools that were in the van, which he hadn't had chance to get that morning. So he wasn't in the best of moods when he got home. I'm of the belief that work life should be a happy place. Usually it is for him but his co-worker is the boss's son so although the boss and son might communicate between each other neither one of them thinks to let Ray know. It happens a lot and is usually the only reason Ray gets pissed at them. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't being paid minimum wage. He works hard and deserves more. When they piss about like this he gets annoyed and gets very itchy feet. On top of that we can't afford to have random day's off because that means we're down a fair chunk of money, which just isn't workable for us. I know things will be fine again today (no early arrivals yet anyway) but I do wonder just how much longer this will continue. Going self-employed is an option we've been discussing cos then his boss would pay him on a day rate (of his own choosing) and be able to do other work for people so really he could work/earn as much or as little as he chose to. But there's risks involved. More financial than anything else. Such as the dreaded tax man. Ray's been self-employed before so he knows what he's doing but there's actual bills that need paying that could see us out on the street if they're not paid this time round. Ahh there's always decisions to make, isn't there? And they're never easy. Any one gone self-employed? Any advice? Scream yay or nay!

Anyway, my lazy day did continue. I held Ray while I read. He slept on and off, waking up to tickle me every now and then. We made love, we made food. Ray then went out to the cinema with his cousin. I answered some emails, wrote in my diary. Then I decided it would be best to wrap Ray's birthday presents up because I think they're so so pretty that I keep getting them out to look at them! It's quite pathetic. So last night I wrapped them up and they're now hiding in Jem's room waiting for the two weeks to be up. The rest of the evening was spent laughing at Halo 2 and reading. My reading bug is fierce at the moment. I cannot put the damn book down (I'm re-reading the Dark Tower series so it's one of those seven books). I love it when I can't stop reading; it always, always helps to improve my writing. Ray returned home with chocolate and Starbursts (remember when they were called Opal Fruits? I still call them that; Starbursts is such a stupid name and makes no sense), which I picked at until it was time for bed.

I woke this morning pining longingly for my lazy day to be able to start over again. I doubt I'll have another day like that again this summer. I think you're allowed one a season, right? Roll on Autumn then! ;)

Labels: birthday, life, money, presents, ray, reading, self-employed, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |  

Just Lazing About

I've had a very lazy start to a day.

I woke up to say goodbye to Ray this morning and decided that I wanted a lie-in. "Leave a note for Jemma to tell her to feed the dogs for me," I mumbled. I fell asleep before he'd even left the room again. I thought I slept for hours after that (even though I knew I couldn't have really cos I have a second alarm set for when I have to take my pill and that hadn't sounded). I had very vivid dreams about attending a prom, Gary Barlow was my date and was going to show up wearing red just like me. But I wasn't wearing red. And when he did turn up I couldn't actually see him. When it was time to leave loads of people started crushing towards the taxis and one guy got ran over and I heard his bones crunch. In the dream I had a panic attack. It was a very strange dream. Usually I can make out where the weird bits come from, where my subconscious has pulled them from, but with this one I'm at a loss. I'll blame it on the going back to sleep; that usually gives me weird dreams.

I wasn't up and about 'til gone ten and wasn't showered and dressed 'til twelve. Such a lazy day.

But it's raining out so I knew we wouldn't be walking the dogs (Martha refuses to walk in the rain for some reason). I haven't had a lie-in in weeks so I thought I may as well act on my impulse and have a lazy day. It feels fantastic. I've just been reading (the Bible and Wizard & Glass) and poking my head out the window to watch the rain fall. I haven't seen this much rain in ages. It smells fantastic.

I'm sure there's more to say but my mind is lazy. I don't know if I'm going to write or not today. A part of me thinks what will come will be sloppy and bad, another part of me can't keep away from the story.

So I think I'll make a cup of tea, eat a few squares of chocolate and see what happens with this grey, drizzly, lazy day :)

Labels: dreams, life, reading, weather, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |  

Condoms Review

I've spent the weekend researching the new condoms.

We started with Yellow - Safex Sensitive. Supposedly they're thin and make it all feel much more, well, sensitive. I've been waiting patiently for the Durex version of these to be made available in the UK but so far no luck. But, anyway, they weren't really that thin. To be honest, they felt like your bog-standard condom. Neither good nor bad, just an average condom.

Next was Grey - Safex Ribbed. I think maybe I'm just built differently than the girls these ribbed condoms are meant to pleasure. Fair enough, so far I've only tried two different kind of ribbed condoms but both did nothing to help me along the way ;) To be honest, I think these ones actually delayed my orgasm (that could have just been me, I guess, though).

Last of all was Green - Safex Natural. These are meant for if you have an allergy to latex, neither of us do but they were part of the pack I bought so we gave them a go. In my opinion: the best of the three. Gave the best orgasm for me ;) Ray said they were a bit snug for his liking, though.

So all in all, I think Safex are not really the brand for me. I think they must make your average kind of condoms; you pay the price they're worth, which isn't that much. Still, I'll be happy to give the rest of the pack a few more rounds just to see if my opinion changes ;)

The one condom I must reccomend above all others is: Crown Skinless. For a start they're pink! The perfect colour for a condom cos obviously skin is pink so you can barely even see it (hence why they use it in the adult film industry). I thought that was an ingenius idea. Why on earth are condoms made that awful yellowy colour anyway? It is super thin, which makes it all feel very natural. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it makes it feel better than bare in a way because it shapes around the penis and just pulls it all in nice and tight; sort of like a push-up bra, maybe ;) The only problem we have with them is that Ray is slightly allergic to them (typical!) so we can't use them too often. Definitely the best condom I've found so far :)

Still my favourite condoms (aside from Crown) are the Durex Elite. Weirdly enough, they were the first style of condoms I ever bought. Seems subconsciously I already knew what worked for me ;)

Labels: condoms, ray, sex

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |  








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