For a while there I thought I was addicted to my birth control pill. Because when I was on it I was fine, but for those seven days when I had to go cold turkey I turned into a crazy bitch from hell. I would be lying there crying because I couldn't stand the onslaught of my uncontrollable hormones. Funny, because I've always had whacked out hormones so you'd think I'd be fine. Not so. This month I tried really hard not to be a junky. I had one night (two days after I stopped taking the tablets) where I thought I might commit multiple murders but I bit my tongue, swallowed down my hysteria and just had a good cry instead. Is it possible to be addicted to birth control pills? The reason I bring it up now is because today I started back on the tablets. I hadn't missed them nearly as much this time round so being back on them hasn't made a whole lot of difference... yet.

I've been a busy bee this week. In and out of town every morning, buying this, sorting out that, exchanging those. It would make me think I don't even need that damn tablet anymore (aside from the obvious need not to get pregnant, of course). Creatively I've been on fire. Good Reads is my new favourite hang out...

Love Like Hate Adore by Deirdre Purcell



rating: 1 of 5 stars

Each Deidre Purcell book is different to the last - different era, writing-style - so I never know what to expect. This one sounded as though it might be interesting but I was disappointed with what I found. The story didn't seem to go anywhere and the main character never appeared to know who she was so her reactions to things were often very different to how she reacted a few chapters back. I just found the story a bit pointless, the main character unlikeable and the subject matter left a bad taste in my mouth.


View my Profile

I'm #26 in their top list of reviewers. Told you I'd been busy. I can't stop reading. I've got another three books out of the library to read. Going by my usual standards I'll have them all read within a week or two. Not forgetting the most important and exciting bit of news this week: I completed Soul Mates IV. My baby is now four years old (really older than that but I prefer to stick with how many volumes of the book have been completed - hey, I'm mother and if I say I want my baby to stay a baby forever then that's how it'll be ;D).

So I've decided all this evidence is pointing to the fact that I am not yet a slave to my birth control pill, I am capable of living like a normal human being while I'm off it, and I can get heaps and heaps of stuff done whether I'm under its influence or not. Maybe that nurse had been right to refuse me a new prescription of it. Maybe I reaked of birth control junki-ism. But I floated back to the surface this month so I'm not lost... yet...

Labels: books, life, review, soul mates, the pill, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

It was a bank holiday weekend so naturally it rained.

At least it was dry Saturday when I went out for a girly day with Mammy and Jem. There was a little shopping (I found nothing but have decided that yellow is my favourite colour this summer), a little lunch (Jem had an egg-mayonaise sandwich and has been ill ever since), and, the highlight of the day (and the summer if you're my mother) we went to see Indiana Jones IV.

I was raised on the original trilogy, probably due to my mother's obsessioncrush on Harrison Ford. As a life-long fan, I have to say that the fourth film did not disappoint. I loved how it was alien-based because the great mystery of the fifties (when it was set) was the Roswell alien spaceship crash. It was classic Indie from start to finish. And whoever decided to cast Shai LaBeouf (how do you pronounce his name?) as mini-Indie needs a big gold star. He is just lovely (but I'll save that gushing for another time). So, if you're a fan of the Indiana films then you should love the new one. If you're new to them, as some of the kids were in the audience, then you might want to not go in there expecting it to be like your run-of-the-mill noughties kid's film cos it's not anything like that. A great action film and absolutely hilarious. I hope they make another one!

Apart from that the weekend was literally a wash out. I had picnics and feeding-the-ducks planned but it all had to be scrapped. Sunday was spent trying to get bits and pieces together so Ray could change a tyre on the car (yes that damn car again; thsi time it wasn't the car's fault; there was a nail on the road - pop!). And Monday just never really got started. Although we did watch half of Return of the King (only half cos that film is long - great but long).

It was a nice weekend, though, weather aside. Love, films, sitting around doing not very much, reading, Lord of the Rings - and Banoffee Pie mmmm. The duck's can have their bread later in the week ;)

EDIT @ 5PM: I've updated the projects section, which is all the way down on the right-hand side of the page :)

Labels: car, films, indiana jones, jem, mammy, ray, shia labeouf, shopping, weather

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

Ray.

He's the guy who wakes me up early every morning to give me a goodbye kiss before work. (Apparently he stays to watch me sleep as well - which I do not think is fair - how awful must I look? Dribbling and all!)

I love the way he comes in from work - smelling of sweat and covered in dust. I love how he holds his hands away from me as he's hugging me in case he ruins my clothes. I especially love how he comes downstairs smelling of manfume and wearing his pretty clothes, proclaiming that the effort is all for my benefit and no one else.

The way he holds my hand on the dinner table when we've both finished our meals and are either waiting for Jem to finish (eat faster girl!) or are all talking about some thing or another. The way he hooks his foot through the bottom rung of my chair so that he's ever so slightly boxing me in, keeping me safe.

The fact that coffee always follows a meal.

I love that he likes the stupid programmes that I do. Curling up on the sofa, leaning on his shoulder, listening to his heart beat, watching "Great British Menu" or "Doctor Who" or some programme about the countryside of Britain. I love that it doesn't usually matter what's on the TV, just being with him, quiet and together, reconnecting after we've been apart all day.

I love how he tickles me - even though I claim otherwise. How he grabs my hips and strokes down my legs, as if I'm a horse that needs its muscles checking. The way he holds my hand - even when we're just sitting in the house.

I love the curl of hair at the back of his neck and the sides of his ears. His floppy fringe that never listens and always needs to be stroked to one side. His so pretty blue eyes, perfect straight white teeth and gorgeous full lips. I love that he stopped shaving for me and now has year-round closely-trimmed facial hair. I love the little ginger hairs that grow in it; I love plucking out the long hairs that he misses with the shaver.

I especially love the games we play when we're cleaning our teeth at night. Secret games that are only for us to know but make me laugh night after night.

The riding crop, the handcuffs, the belts. The lessons on how to fit a condom correctly. The way his eyes roll when he's enjoying himself. His obsession with tongues and saliva. The pleasure that comes every single time - yes, every single time. When he doesn't cry out when I draw blood on his back, and refuses to let me feel guilty for it.

The way he tickles my back every single night to send me to sleep. The hugs before sleep comes. The final kiss, as if there won't be another. The I-love-you's, as if there won't come a time to say them again. The puff of his lips as he falls asleep.

Happy anniversary, baby. I love you.

Labels: anniversary, love, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

As much as I loved my last layout, and how pretty it all looked, I got bored of it and decided it had to be changed. It was a lovely simple, clean design but that had one draw back - I couldn't add all my blurbs and pictures in the sidebar. So this time I've gone blurb-mad and have added as much unnecessary junk as I could :) The theme is Lego Star Wars II because I am obsessed with the game (if you're not you should be!). I've gone for my usual blue and white colours because they're my colours. As far as I can tell everything is working perfectly fine ... if it's not give me a holler and I'll straighten it out. I have added some new bits that I've never worked with before so I'm very prepared for it all to crash.

I'll post a proper entry tomorrow. Today I just wanted to show off the new layout :)

Labels: layout, lego star wars

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

The dog did run away again. He got past me, dug up the stuff I'd put in the hole he'd made and scarpered. He was back by morning and I practically ran out the door when it was time for me to go home. That was officially the most stressful day on the job so far. For the first time in ages, Ray and I slept in each other's arms all night last night. Usually one of us gets too hot or my neck starts to hurt (I have a weakness in my neck from when I pulled it a few years ago) so we pull apart during the night. I think I was so desperate for some protection I stayed close to him all night. It was nice. I'd say it might become the norm but I know it won't so there's no point. I overheat when I'm asleep. I'm sure there's some scientific reason for it. I'm cold when I'm awake and boiling when asleep. Weird.

Today I finally did some writing. It's felt like writing is just a hobby I do if I have time lately. Not as if writing is my full-time job, which it is. I hate it when it gets like that. It's all these jobs. I know they're only for a couple of days but it breaks up the routine and then I can't get back to it cos I'm catching up on other things that need doing.

I've uploaded some new photos, which are from various weekends/weekdays I've spent enjoying the sun. There's a lot of the dogs this time round (as if that's not the norm ;D).

I've also become a little obsessed with Good Reads and have been posting some small reviews of the books I've read recently. I always find book reviews helpful when I'm choosing a book to read but I never write any so I thought I'd put that right been as I must have read about ten books in the last month! And a lot of them have been really quirky and very me. Such as Landscape With Animals which is an erotic but has more to it than just that - so rare to find. And Polystom which was both sci-fi and olde worlde - again, extremely rare to find such a mix. It's so nice to find other authors who mix genres like I do. There is hope for me yet :) And even if there isn't it does prove that there are good books out there.

Labels: dog-sitting, photos, ray, reading, websites, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

Who was it that said my job sounded easy?

Last night I got only two very fitful hours of sleep, curled up on the sofa, worrying out of my brain. For the first time since I've been coming here (about two years now), the dog ran away. He has been known to do it in recent months (something about being old and full of anxiety, according to the vet) but has never done it while I've been here.

I let him outside at 9pm last night and that was the last I saw of him. It got darker and darker, later and later. He'd been gone for two hours, then all of a sudden it was four. Somehow I fell asleep at one. I woke at three from a dream telling me he'd returned. He hadn't. Half asleep I somehow got through the next hour and a half before calling Ray and asking him what he thought I should do. His Sunday lie-in was kind of shattered after that. It started getting light out and I was sure the dog would return then. He still hadn't when Ray arrived, my knight in shining armour (wearing dirty jeans and a very tired smile), at six a.m. By this time I was convinced something awful had happened to the dog. He's twelve years old, gone a bit senile, trusts anyone and had been gone for nine hours - all of them hours during the night. We scoured the streets together: no sign. When I got in at 6:30 I knew I had to call his owner. Second person I woke up. He assured me not to worry, cursed the dog and told me I should have gone back to bed and left him out there hehe.

I was really worrying by 8am. It was coming up for twelve hours since he'd last been seen. Twelve hours is a long time in a dog's life. I went to the backdoor even though I knew he couldn't scramble back in the way he'd got out and there he was. Lying on his side, washing his bits, bold as brass. I yanked open the door and in he trotted as if he'd just been outside for a ten minute stroll round the garden.

The garden was blocked off, Ray was sent home and I slept through for another four and a half hours. I've had a quick shower, can't be bothered to brush my hair yet, still half-asleep, and knowing I have to get through another night. Will he stick around tonight?

(P.S. I had no idea word verification was on cos I've never activated it. Blogger must have gone nuts: their comment pages have been weird lately. Sorry for the inconvenience but I'm sure you all knew what to do: pretty much every blog I visit has it activated. It should be fixed again now anyway.)

Labels: blogging, dog-sitting, ray, websites

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

I'm not in the best of moods.

Money always leads to arguments. I always said that was so when I was growing up and now I have a (small) family of my own I find it's more than true. I stand by my first ever statement about money: it's evil. It makes people nasty. Of course I have to go to work all weekend to make that evil money to fill up my bank account for my in case of emergencies fund (which really means birthdays and Christmas). In a way I miss having no money at all. Things were easier then. Of course I was relying on my parents evil money to pay for the house I was living in, but personal money wasn't even a thought for me. I couldn't afford to buy new clothes or go out anywhere expensive. Things were easier then. Now I have to worry about bills being paid, getting enough money to put food on the table, managing the weekly savings so that we have enough when the big bills come through at the end of the month. Which makes me the person to hate when the money isn't as high as it should be. In fact this time the money was as high as it was meant to but because I didn't know that figure off the top off my head (yes, I'm slipping this week: too much sun and not enough slaving over figures) a tantrum was had. The quiet kind that leaves me feeling very lonely and helpless. Of course I love having control over the finances, I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it, but that does mean when things are spent when they shouldn't be and I say, "It's time to tighten the belt," I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who has to say no. Not that I said no last night or that we needed to spend less. In fact we spent a good £20 less on food this week than we usually do (I still don't know how that happened...). But the bank account said a figure that wasn't wanted to be read. So naturally it's my fault. I still can't work out why that was the case either, though...

Basically: money is evil. It makes nice people turn into bastards. We should just go back to trading.

Of course I'll need some of that evil money to fund me a trip to see the new X-Files Movie. When was that made and why did I only find out about it today?

Labels: films, house stuff, life, love, money, x-files

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

Where I talk about yet another trip to the doctors...

I know I may be sounding like a stuck record but is it my fault that the new doctors surgery that I signed up to are so inept?

As I said in my last post, I had to return to the doctors yesterday for an appointment with the nurse. I'd arranged this appointment with the first nurse I'd seen, the one who'd done my check-up. I'd explained I'd been on the Pill for about eight months already and all I needed was a refill. She said because I wasn't starting a new prescription that I could trundle happily along to see another nurse on Monday to get that prescription.

In I went to see said nurse on Monday afternoon. I told her what I needed, she got my file up on her very backwards-looking computer system, and then said, "Oh." There were no prescriptions listed in my file. I explained that was because I was a new patient. "I can't give you it," she replied. So I went on to explain how the other nurse had told me just three days before that she would be able to give me my prescription. No, she was adamant that wasn't going to happen. I asked, "But isn't it just with the files that my old doctor has sent to you?" She got really angry then and snapped, "I can't just give you a prescription!" Jeez, it's not like I was asking for morphine; all I wanted was my birth control pill, which I'd been told my another nurse I'd be able to have. It's like she thought there was some underground cult of kids hooked on birth control pills. The fact that was she was so rude really pissed me off as well because she's supposed to be there to help not to get pissy with me just cos her computer doesn't have the information it's meant to.

So I sighed, "So I've got to come back again then?" Oh no, no. She would take my blood pressure and weigh me (even though that had been done three days before) and then send me off to see one of the doctors. Why didn't the original nurse I saw just do that in the first place? The good thing: I've lost three pounds (two kg) since Friday. "Changed your shoes," she smirked. Nope; I had been wearing jeans, though, so maybe that was it.

I had to go back to the waiting room, ranting probably a bit too loudly at the complete incompetence of the nurse, of the whole practice (I had been warned they were bad but this bad?). Fifteen minutes later I was trawling through the hallways searching out the doctor's room. There was no one there to ask where I was meant to go so I just started knocking on doors trying to remember if the nurse had said his name was Davies or Huws. The third door found a Mr Huws who greeted me by name, always a good sign in my eyes. He took my blood pressure again - they're obsessed! - and said it was a perfect 120 over 80 (I think).

An hour later, armed with my new six-month prescription of Pill I was back home again. Now I'd really better not get ill before we move away from here and change doctors again. These guys are awful! It's like they don't want to do their jobs. At least the doctor was sociable and did his job well, even asked me when I'd moved and where from, etc. If I have to go back again I think I'll just go see him.

Why is nothing ever straight forward in my life?

Labels: doctors, the pill

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

The storm hit.

The dog was wound up all night - and I mean really wound - and I was starting to worry it was cos he was feeling ill. I was already anticipating a call to the vets in the middle of the night. Then at 11pm, as I was getting ready for bed, thunder rolled over the house. I have to say: I'm not scared of storms at all. I think they're beautiful. Usually when I'm here on my own I do feel scared, though. But this time I was quite calm. Even when my mobile phone was zapped by the storm and refused to send a message or call out. I had to haul myself out of bed and ring home just to let them know I was safe (I was midway saying goodnight when the phone died). That's when the light's started to flicker. I admit I was scared then. So I said my goodbyes and got back into bed. Would you believe it? Ten minutes later I was sleeping! The thunder had finished rolling, the lightning had stopped, and the rain was crashing down. I found it soothing. I've never fallen asleep here so easily before.

So either I'm becoming braver or else I was really tired last night. I'm going to stick with the former cos it makes me sound better ;)

The doctor's trip went fine yesterday. She delighted in telling me I was heavier than I'd hinted I might be. I honestly don't weigh myself often - I only did recently cos here where I'm working he has scales in his bathroom. Which must be wrong cos she told me I was half a stone heavier than what they did!? I doubt my clothes and shoes weigh that much more. She also commented on my racing heartbeat. I was anxious about the appointment. When she took my blood pressure she said my heart was racing. I hate people I don't know knowing that I'm freaking out. I can write it easily enough on a blog but in person I like to present myself as a very together and capable person. Stupid heart! I'm going back Monday to see a nurse to repeat my Pill prescription. Then I hope I never get ill again so I never have to see a doctor ever again in my life. Hmm... not likely to happen, is it?

Labels: doctors, dog-sitting, weather

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

In answer to Gen's question: no they weren't that physically attractive but we were both very aware that their niceness made them extremely hot to us. And Silver Neurotic: it sounds great in theory but it's actually not. There's a whole load of poo and sick involved, plus a lot of tantrums; then there's the fear of wrecking someone's house. Very stressful.

I'm still basking in the glorious May sunshine. Where did this freak sunny storm come from? It went from freezing cold to too-hot in about twenty-four hours. Last night the quilt was ripped away and the sheet pulled off it; window wide open we lay under the sheet alone and it was so lovely and cool. Why is it the sunny weather makes me so frisky? I'm tired from lack of sleep ;)

The next dog-sitting job is set for Friday when we're meant to have heavy showers. Hmm. I guess that means creepy house noises and banging of the back gate and things blowing around the garden. I think I'll be tired for different reasons come Saturday. Friday is also the day that I've got to go for a check-up at the doctor's cos I just signed up with them. That means being weighed, doesn't it? How do you explain to a doctor that you've weighed a lot since you hit puberty. That it's not fat (not too much of it anyway ;D) it's just the way your mother built you? I don't know whether doctor's believe stuff like that. She/he will just get her BMI chart out and she'll tut-tut and shake her head cos I don't fit the graph. Oh well. As long as nothing's inserted in me (is it just UK doctor's who like sticking things in you?) then I'll be a happy bunny.

I've just realised I'm talking about Friday as if it's days away when in fact it's tomorrow. Better get my bag packed soon then. Hasn't this week gone fast? It's all this heat exhaustion it's put me out of sorts. Carrying all the heavy shopping back this morning just about killed me. It is just too hot.

Labels: doctors, dog-sitting, life, sex, weather

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |

The first of my three dog-sitting jobs is nearly over.

I arrived yesterday in the glorious sunshine. On the way here we had to stop in the shop to get me some food. Same thing happened as always: the older ladies in the shop give me a glaring look. They think I've snagged one of their eligible bachelors from them. Far from it. But how do I explain to an old lady stranger that I'm looking after his dog not him? Hardly seems decent to start those kinds of conversations. Within an hour of being here the sun had faded behind the clouds. I read in the garden until three and then it just got too cold. Seventeen degrees outside and I had to switch the heating on to keep warm! The house is set into the ground, almost, which means it gets no sun whatsoever so is always cold. The garden is above the house so gets all the sun and is beautiful.

The night was spent catching up on Hollywood gossip. Isn't L.A. mad? I always forget how insane it all is until I watch the E! Channel. Do people out there really beleive the crap that's said on those programmes? I saw a nanny play-acting tears at a press conference, Tom Cruise trying to act humble (if I were a casting agent I'd have laughed him out of the room), and countless stories about Lindsay Lohan. Am I the only person who doesn't really know who she is except for the boozed-up/drugged-up stories? Shockingly awful TV yet I can't switch it off. No wonder today's youth is so screwed up! ;)

I watched the second part of Flood. Hmm. The best part about that entire show was the sarcy Welsh voice-over-guy who introduced it, who said something along the lines of "London's flooded so it's huge news". Am I the only one who's noticed that the only things news-worthy these days are centred around London? The voice-over-guy obviously noticed it too ;)

This morning I was woken at 7am by manic scratching. No, I wasn't scratching - the dog was. He's peeled the wood off the front door! And eaten part of a file! But it's okay cos I was told he keeps doing it. I'll have to ask my mother if she has any ideas why an old male dog might start doing that. I reckon it's a sex thing. I think he's a randy old dog who's got too much pent-up energy. He wouldn't come back in so at 9 I went out to sit in the garden with him. It's another glorious day, only this time I think the sun is going to stick around.

So I thought I'd cool my skin off in the freezing cold house and catch up on some blogs. I'll be home in a few hours. Back to my family. I can't wait :) And it means I can have a normal night's sleep. Mind you, the worries over being burgled, raped then killed did bring on some weird dreams. I dreamt Gen and I were being rescued by religious boys.

Labels: dog-sitting, hollywood, tv, weather

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

The new car wouldn't start the next day. She's been in the garage since Wednesday. Apparently her immobiliser is broken, which means she keeps immobilising herself, hence why she won't start. The garage we bought her from are being gits about it, saying how it's not their problem, our warranty only covers engine and gear box problems. Even though when we picked her up she did the exact same thing to them and they passed it off as being a problem with the gadget inside they key. Grr! So she was fixed yesterday by another garage, and that guy is giving her a once-over today to make sure there's nothing wrong with her engine or gear box cos if there is she's going straight back from where we bought her. So that was more expense we couldn't really afford. Puts back paying off our debts by a week :/ She's apparnently coming home tonight. We'll see...

But enough about that stupid car. I received a package through the mail on Wednesday. A brown crate...



I've actually been waiting for this package for about a month now. I sent off for it ages ago and hoped it would arrive in time for my birthday. It didn't, but it's here now. What was inside? Well...



An endangered species, of course. A panda to be more precise. All tucked up nice and snug in her crate. Here's what she looks like:



Looks like my Sweepie when she's in a bad mood actually! She's lovely and soft. I haven't named her yet because she's still mostly just sitting in her crate (must be getting used to the new climate ;D). But I can apparently go online and download her birth certificate, which I thought was a really cute idea. As you can tell, this promotion was actually aimed at kids but, hell, I can't resist cute, soft things ;)

Here she is making friends with Mr Monkey and Doll-A-Lolla:



I just uploaded those images using Photobucket's new jazzy picture-uploading-doo-dad and it was so slow and crap. You'd think they'd test out these new gadgets before unleashing them on us. And what's with the very loud advertisment that you can't switch off when you're pictures are uploading? Grr.

This post was brought to you by a very grumpy sounding me. I'm not really as grumpy as I sound... honest ;)

Labels: car, internet, photos

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |