Sorry I disappeared off the face of the earth. Madge's birth didn't go quite by the rule book so I've spent a good couple of days with her. But today the wait was finally over: she had two gorgeous, huge, girls.



This is Dolores:



And this is Wednesday:



You can read all about the birth and see more pictures of the little tykes HERE.

I am shattered now. It's been non-stop stress for about four days. Now my work can really begin; my favourite part: the baby-sitting/raising of the litter.

Labels: labour, madge, photos, puppies

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

I've been left in charge of Madge - and she's going into labour! Okay, yes, I know, her labour often takes days of pre-labour pains but she's really uncomfortable and I'm worrying. Mammy's assured me it'll be hours yet and that all I have to do is keep her quiet and calm - but I'm still worrying. Oh Lord, I just saw her stomach muscle twitch! Okay, I might need to get on the phone to my mother and tell her to come home...

Okay, I called her. She says she'll be back in an hour and that it sounds as though she's getting ready for the real labour now. Oh this is so stressful and exciting. I'll be much calmer when my mother gets home.

In non-labour news, I have finally got the new layout up at my Joe site. Check it out here. I adore it.

EDIT 29.10.07: No pups yet. Madge is in for the long haul, I think.

Labels: madge, puppies

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

Take a look at the wooden-flooring that it took Ray and Daddy three days to complete!



You'd better be impressed cos a part of me will always hate that floor for the hours I spent sitting, playing on the laptop, freezing my ass off cos the back door had to be left open so they could go back and forth cutting bits of wood; watching Ray grow sicker and getting more frustrated by his tiredness. I'm just glad it's all done. And I must admit it does look rather pretty ;)

I think my never-ending period might be ending now. Finally! I was starting to think I'd be stuck with it forever. And I took full of advantage of the flow-stop last night, I assure you ;)

Once it was time to rejoin the real world, I came down to help assemble Madge's cadge for the puppies. I'm starting to let myself get excited now. I feel like it'd be a jinx to get too excited before the birth cos so many things can still go wrong. There's only a few days left now. Whee!

I am starting to wonder if Ray's possibly slipping some of my tablets, though... Isn't it meant to me who's filled up with oestragen and getting clucky?



Bless. He's a bit ill at the moment. I'm hoping it won't spread to his tonsils and give him tonsillitis cos I don't know how I'll take care of and worry about him and a litter of puppies all at the same time. He's keeping himself drugged up and we're hoping he'll get better in the next couple of days.

Jem's Christmas dress arrived yesterday, which cheered her up after a couple of emotional days. We all always feel it when Jem's not feeling right ;) I still think my dress is prettier, though ;) So if you should see two girls wandering round in those dresses they may well be us two. So don't be a scary stalker and murder us, just say a code word or something so I know you read the blog. Say, like, "A light's on" really loudly or something hehe.

Urgh, I'm tired and hungry. At least the sickness has passed. I pop a pill and I get nauseous for a couple of hours, which isn't fun. At least I'm not over-eating and getting fat, which is what everyone else reckons they do when they start on the Pill. Oh and my hormones are doing a lot, lot better today. I've gone a full twenty-four hours without hysterics.

Well, there was a wobbly time last night when Falls (the dog) jumped on me when I was holding a cup of very hot tea and the tea ended up in my crotch. But those were tears of pain. I now have a little burn on my inner left thigh. Lovely. I've not really had a good week, have I?

One of the blogs I read has closed - that's the first time that's happened... no, second time. Bye Bye Silver Neurotic - I hope you find happiness in your new writing ventures.

I need lunch. Now.

Labels: illness, jem, madge, photos, puppies, ray, shopping

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

It's happened. My hormones have gone into meltdown.

I've always had loopy hormones. I think that's what comes of having life-long cysts growing on your ovaries, then having said ovary taken out when your midway through puberty. It kind of sent my hormones off into a world of their own where some times I was neurotic, other times filled with such love I thought I'd burst, and other times they'd actually calm down and let me feel momentarily normal.

During the last three years or so my hormones have calmed considerably. I don't suffer from PMT and I only really get cranky if I'm tired or hungry. But of course I've now slung in my new funtastic birth control tablets (I love that phrase... birth control). And my hormones are screaming at me in protest.

Everything was absolutely fine until about 7pm last night. Ray came over and started putting the finishing touches to the new wooden-flooring in the living-room; I sat and observed on the sofa, playing the What Colour Pants Is Ray Wearing Today game. I suddenly got very tired (I had done in the afternoon, as well) and felt the need to curl up foetal-position on the sofa. Ray noticed I wasn't looking good and came over to give me a hug. He asked if I was okay and I felt the insane urge to burst into tears. Oh dear me. I don't do random bursts of tears. I cry in private not in company.

The night got steadily worse with me feeling more and more emotional. I felt suddenly stifled by Ray just by something innocent he'd said about how "when we make plans" when in my head it's me who makes plans for me - not me and him. Then he ran off to fix the toilet (it broke Tuesday night so because he couldn't the part for it Wednesday he did a quick-fix on it last night) as soon as Jem complained that it was broken, which immediately got me weepy cos I have the whole issue of Why do men always do everything for her just cos she's short and blonde whereas I'm expected to be strong and capable just cos I'm tall and brunette? Mammy knew I was upset and so spent the entire time Ray was fixing the toilet trying to keep me busy - bless.

I spent the rest of the evening nearly crying until when Ray left I went upstairs and had a good cry in the bathroom.

Today I'm not feeling quite so unhinged and out of control but I'm still not completely normal. I'm willing the hormones to calm down - fast. I have no time for silly, girlie hysterics. I know it probably doesn't help that I'm still bleeding eight days after I started the damn tablets. I googled for some info and one girl said she bled for the full three months she was taking the tablets! Sod that! I might be able to make it through one sachet of tablets before returning to the doctor but I'd be surprised if I had the patience to wait 'til then. This period has to stop now - I'm sick of it! I'm now linking my eratic behaviour to the never-ending period so I hate it even more.

At least tonight Ray doesn't have to fit any more wooden flooring so I'm going to steal him away up to my bedroom so we can actually spend some time together alone before the week is out. I feel like I haven't seen him at all this week - it's been horrible. I'm sure that hasn't helped my mood.

Urgh, being a woman is no fun at the moment. But at least my aching jaw is a lot better; and my aching neck and shoulder are also nearly completely healed. So maybe my body isn't completely packing up on me just yet.

Labels: hormones, illness, jem, mammy, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

Monday wasn't a very good way to start the week.

The pain I thought was wisdom tooth problems turned out to be a muscle pull in my jaw. I suspected it might be that. Not due to any kinky reasons. It just clicked Friday morning as I yawned before eating my breakfast. The pain was strange, though, so I suspected it was my wisdom tooth. But after a couple of days I realised that if I didn't talk for a few hours (while working) then the pain would be a lot less. My jaw/left-hand side of my mouth ached throughout Monday. To add to it I pulled my neck and left shoulder during the night and spent the day in pain, trying not to move my head too much. But the neck ache and jaw ache eventually led to a really bad headache. So I wasn't a happy bunny.

Last night Ray and Daddy started fitting the wooden floor in the living-room. It didn't go quite according to plan and they had to leave it with only a third completed at 10pm. That meant the living-room was left in a state and has been boycotted all day.

They're in the middle of completing it now. I'm on one of the sofas watching and working on the Joe Site. They're having to take one of the doors down to fit one of the panels. It looks like tonight is going to be another late one.

Today has been better. My neck ache is nearly all gone (thanks to a massage from Ray last night - don't I have the best boyfriend? He worked all day, spent all night fighting with my wonky walls and then massaged my aching neck!). And I've tried very hard not to talk too much so as to ease the use of my jaw. I mean, how are you meant to rest your jaw muscles? You use them all the time! I'm starting to think I'll either have to live with the discomfort or else get someone to punch me.

Other good news today is that my lovely new dress arrived - the one Mammy wanted to get me for Christmas. Isn't it gorgeous? (Ray don't you dare click on that link - the dress is a surprise for New Years Eve!). I adore it.

Ooh the door is almost off its hinges. And my laptop is nearly out of juice. Might be time for me to get a round of drinks in for the busy workmen.

Labels: daddy, illness, life, ray, shopping, websites

by Ys | COMMENTS? 4 | permalink |

I quit with the PHP. But not before I got it work for me, of course. I'm not that much of a quitter. I tried FlexPHPnews but I think I was just on a Stupid Day cos although I worked out the hard stuff - such as setting up the MySQL database and uploading the actual programme, I then couldn't for the life of me figure out where I was meant to upload the content. I had no programme to open. I logged in but then it just took me to the page I was trying to update. So I quit on that and searched around until Cute News seduced me. I took a few hours to familiarise myself with it, learn the codes and stuff. But once I figured it all out I realised it didn't really do what I wanted it to, which was organise the press on the site. It's more for updating news not archiving. So I've decided, although it may take some work, I'm going to do it by hand. If I use frames it'll be simple but I don't know if I want to... We'll see.

So, in the list of Things I Quit This Weekend you can add PHP.

Next, I quit on the rugby (local). In fairness I was told we couldn't get a lift down or back (to feed the dogs at dinner time) but even if I'd not been told that I wouldn't have wanted to go. Me and the rugby just aren't gelling anymore. The boys I was friends with don't talk to me anymore - bar one who probably only still talks to me cos he's in love with Jem. All the older guys say hello but there's a definite sense of you broke the rules from them cos we said they had drug problems in the club (which they do); but that's apparently not a thing to be said aloud.

I did go down to the pub in the evening, though, to watch the rugby (national). The young boys sat by us and entertained me with their usual sex-obsessed ways. I swear they think of nothing else. They also wrongly guessed me and Jem's ages. They said I was twenty-two and she was nineteen.

After that we felt we should show our support by attending the do upstairs. Most of the team went off into town so there was some upset from the committe members. I think there was about twenty of us up there watching a band called Voodosnakes. I'm sure they were great for everyone over the age of forty but for me they just weren't really my thing.

So halfway through the set, when they went on their break (they'd only been playing for fifteen minutes so why they needed a break I don't know), me, Jem and Ray disappeared downstairs, and then outside, and then home.

Today Ray and I were meant to be going to see Stardust in the cinema. I quit on that cos I just wasn't feeling too good. We went for a wander round our usual favourite place on a Sunday afternoon and even then didn't up buying anything; just spent a long time spraying each other with perfume testers to see if we liked any (we didn't). I got ill (dizzy and nauseous) and flaked out on the bed for a while. We then had a yummy chinese take-away mmm. And Amber's adorable friend Dan came round to try and fix our computer. His allergies were really bad so despite my best efforts (well, I did find a box of allergy tablets in the back of the cupboard after hearing him sniffling and sneezing continuously), he had to go home to finally be able to breathe.

Unfortunately I'm still on my period. I hope this is just a side-effect of starting the Pill and not going to be a continuous thing. Cos by day five I'm usually almost at the end of my cycle; the way I am now it looks as though it's going to hang on for a few more days yet. So I had to quit on sex as well, which I wasn't best pleased by.

Tomorrow Daddy and Ray are fixing the new wood floor in the living-room, which means I have to clear out the cupboard so they can move it out of the room. But the good news is this is all being done for Madge and the babies, who should all be with us by this time next week.

I'm glad to say goodbye to this weekend. And I didn't even mention the wisdom tooth pain (one of them is on the move)!

Labels: amber, daddy, gigs, jem, life, madge, puppies, ray, rugby, websites

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

I've been busy designing new layouts for my sites. I'm doing a complete overhaul of Meant-To, which is taking some time. So far I've managed to get three pages completed. Yes, progress is slow. It's cos there's a lot going on in the new layout. Plus I'm having to teach myself some new stuff. Such as: I want to install something that will catalogue all the articles I have. I know only of Flex PHP News. It looks pretty when I see it on other people's sites. But I don't know how to install it and then design it and then use it. So I need to learn - fast. I am determined to get it worked out. I probably need to learn something new, don't I? I haven't learned anything like this in about a year or so.

I have got one new layout sorted, though. Still-Sharpe.com. I was going to use that layout on here but I couldn't get it to work so I used it on the main domain page instead.

I'd like to say thanks for all the comments on the previous post. Lots of new people, which was really nice :) So thanks everyone. It's so nice to hear that other people are suffering with their periods as well - I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course. I had a nice side-effect to the period last night: I got very clingy and mushy and loved-up. I spent a good hour pinning Ray down on the bed and cuddling him (no, nothing dirty). I think I might have bored him with all the I Love You's ;)

And I'm not sure if this is a side effect to the new amount of oestrogen in my system, but Amber had her friend (boyfriend?) Dan round last night/this morning and I am just going ga-ga over him. He's like the tall, skinny teenage boy I never had. He's just so adorable. Not only is he polite, but he also makes conversation and, although allergic to the animals, always makes a fuss of them. And he doesn't put up with Amber's nonsene either. When she starts with her silliness he tells her off. He's such a breathe of fresh air compared to the usual grunting things she usually brings home. So if it's allowed I think I'm going to adopt him. If that's not allowed I guess I'll just continue to squee over him every time he leaves the room.

Right then, back to my learning then. Wish me luck. PHP looks way too difficult...

Labels: layout, life, ray, websites

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |

Last week a who has the hottest, sexiest text message message contest was put up for fun at one of the (really great;D) blogs I read. Today I found out I'd won. I always knew it, but now other people know it too - I'm a whore with words. Of course if you've read any of my books, especially the more recent stuff, you might already have known that fact ;) Having never won anything before, I'd like to say thank you thank you thank you.

I wasn't feeling particularly whoreish last night, though. Pre-period symptoms, I assumed. I just wanted hugs and nothing else. So I unbuttoned my shirt and let Ray simultaneously play Halo 3 and perv on my ever-growing breasts. Aren't I a nice girlfriend?

I was right about the period. It arrived this morning, after seving me up some delicious amounts of pain with nothing to show for it for the first three hours of the day. I hate pre-period more than the actual period these days, I think. But it was also an exciting day because it meant I got to pop my Pill for the first time. I haven't turned into an emotionally crazed woman yet but I hear it can take a few weeks for those symptoms to take affect ;) I also tried out my new super painkillers and although they did take a good hour to kick in, now that they are working I am experiencing absolutely no pain whatsoever, which is a first for me during this happy time of the month. This should be my last horridly painful period, shouldn't it? Doesn't the Pill eradicate these kinds of episodes? Sure, I'll have a period but it won't be as I know it; I've heard it's more like what normal people experience. Roll on next month!

Oh, which means I have finished with the condoms (unless I become overly paranoid about getting pregnant, or decide to have an affair - I'm joking obviously - my paranoia won't win out ha ha ha). Well, roll on the end of the period, I say!

Labels: blogging, ray, sex, the pill

by Ys | COMMENTS? 5 | permalink |

Ray cooked me dinner last night, which was great cos that means, what with being away and eating out, I haven't cooked a meal in a whole week now! I am getting lazy. But I will be cooking tonight. I just haven't decided what yet. Having to wait 'til he'd finished work meant I was very hungry by the time I was eating. I did contemplate ending the relationship due to my hunger ... hehehe.

We had the house to ourselves at his place again. I'm starting to get a complex - do his family not like me anymore? They always disappear when I show up, which isn't often due to Ray's funny work times. Hmm. I harassed Ray by taking silly pictures of him and then we cuddled up and watched Doc Martin. I had to discreetly drool over Joe Absolom while Ray wasn't looking hehe. I'm so glad Joe's back in the show. I haven't seen him on TV in ages.

Today I got a freebie through the post - yes, I actually got post! Has the postal strike ended for good now? I can't be bothered to check. Anyway, my freebie was some Pantene Highlights Expressions. I adore Pantene and they always send out freebies, too :) The only problem is this time they've sent me stuff for blonde hair whereas I'm a brunette. Never mind, it's all the same thing really; they just package it in different colours.

I'm trying to sort out something for me and Ray for New Years Eve. Jem is going to her friends in Cambridge so I suggested Ray and I might like to stay at an uber posh hotel and enjoy pretending to be a rich and successful young couple. I have a hotel in mind but I'm not posting what it is in case I can't get it. I should know by the end of the week (ish). It's going to be our last splurge before the Big Move next year.

Madge is all but bursting at the moment. I swear she's swollen up overnight. Only another twelve days and I'll be an auntie again. Can you tell how excited I am? Whee, I love babies! And, just in time really, I completed the first draft of my recent novel yesterday. This week is looking so very, very good to me right now :)

Labels: joe absolom, madge, new years, puppies, ray, tv, writing

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |

The problems I thought I'd be having my parents didn't actually materialise. Sometimes I think I wrongly expect the worst from them. I know I can't be blamed for thinking that way but it does make me feel bad when I'm proved wrong (except it makes me feel good at the same time, as well, obviously). They've been great this weekend - both of them. I think, as a lot of us do, especially when we're young and wrapped up in our own lives, I forgot to look at it from their perspective. From some things that they've said this weekend I think they're a little worried about what it'll be like for them when me and Jem move out next year. They'll still have Amber at home but two of their pups will have gone and that's a big section of the pack to lose. I think their recent behaviour has been a knee-jerk reaction to our plans to move out (not exclusively, obviously, I am well aware their lives do not solely revolve around me). It's sort of like their preparing little obstacles to keep themselves busy during the transition. And I think as an adult I need to let them have those obstacles. They didn't do it to make me feel like crap, didn't do it to prove that my problems were nothing and were allowed to be ridiculed whereas my other siblings are not; they did it because they needed to. And they've made a big show this weekend of making sure I didn't feel abandoned or over-looked, and that what I went through (and continue to go through) is not being ignored. We've had our problems through the years and when my parents act so caringly, so considerate of my feelings (regardless of my other two sisters, who they look after in which ever way they need) I am always surprised into silence and bemusement. It's been a good weekend with them. I feel very blessed.

Last night Ray, Jem and I went down the pub to watch the England V France match. It was very boring. Some of the younger boys kept stripping and jumping around the room in all their glory. While the older boys gave us some dirty looks and ignored us for the rest of the night. Ahh the rugby club, how I love it.

I had a take-out pizza last night, as well, mmm. Then Ray and I watched Moulin Rouge, which is such a bad film but the ending always makes me cry. Ray distracted me from my upset, though. I slept like a log last night. Best sleep I've had all week.

Now I've upset Sweepie by telling her off for jumping on the laptop. She's pouting at the end of the bed. Oh dear... Best go give her some attention...

Labels: daddy, family, films, jem, life, mammy, moving out, ray, rugby, sweepie

by Ys | COMMENTS? 1 | permalink |

The Fightstar gig did go ahead, even though Lexi had laryngitis and Charlie had a throat infection. They'd been told by doctors to cancel the gig but they'd decided against it - and I was so glad of that :)

Like at the Editors gig there wasn't a huge queue when we wandered down at about 6pm so we went back to the pub up the road for a drink. We went back down half an hour later and met up with a cute boy we'd met at the last Fightstar gig we'd been to. He had a girl with him who I think wanted to be his girlfriend and she wasn't pleased by our presence to start with - what with us being in our twenties and they being only about fifteen. But after some bonding over the awful toilets in the venue everything was much better.

It was in TJ's in Newport (yes, I was back in Newport again), but it wasn't like the last time I went, which had the potential of being the best or worst gig of my life. Luckily, it was the best. But this time we found they'd moved the stage across the other side of the room. It wasn't any more safe than where it had originally been. If you get crushed there's nowhere to go cos the bar is right up against the stage, and against the bar are all the amps. Jem and I decided not to go down the centre and so went to the left of the stage. Lucky really cos one of the support acts, with his bottle of wine (oh how rock 'n roll), decided to repeatedly jump into the crowd, crushing the kids in the front row. It looked fun but I would never have held him up. In fact when he came over our side everyone sarpered so he couldn't jump off onto us, which really made me laugh, cos there was just one girl stood there in the middle of this huge circle of emptiness. Hehehe.

Fightstar didn't come on 'til gone ten, which is stupidly late really. But as soon as they came on, ill or not, they got the crowd going. I pretty much died during the forty minutes they were on stage for. I jumped, I pushed, I sang along, I sweated. It was great but it was exhausting.



You can see a video Jem posted on Youtube HERE.

They played pretty much all my favourite songs, and Charlie seemed to be feeling very sentimental and kept thanking us all for supporting them, etc. Bless. He and Lexi did look seriously sick, though. Poor lambs.

I managed to crawl back into the bar after the gig and deafened the poor girl taking my order - I'd spent the gig stood in front of a speaker and so was deaf. I drank that drink down in one go and then finished half off Jemma's as well. I don't know how I got out of the chair; I don't even know how I limped back to the hotel. Omahr was outside signing autographs as we wandered past and I got on the phone to Ray to squee on about the gig.

Back at the hotel, having said goodnight to Ray, I collapsed facedown on the floor. I managed to roll over and drag myself up onto the bed. Jem and I spent the rest of the night eating Salt N Vinegar Pringles while babbling our way through a weird film where some men were climbing a mountain in a snowstorm - and they all kept dying. I don't know how it ended cos I fell asleep.

Getting home the next day was awful. We got up early so we could take advantage of the free breakfast at the hotel. So we caught an earlier train home than what we were meant to. But the train was so slow that we ended up missing our bus home. So we had to hang around in town for another hour or so. Then the bus was late. And it was the bus that drops us off about two miles from home so we had to walk. Urgh. I got back to find a rather big bruise covering my left knee/leg from the gig, which I'm quite proud of :) I fell asleep within fifteen minutes of getting home. Sweepie curled up on my shoulder and we stayed that way for two hours. Yum.

Now it's back to normal routine again, which isn't fun. I'm having some problems with my parents and their ... I don't even know how to word it. I don't even know if I want to blog about it. Families, eh? They're all insane. At least I'll be out of here in a few months - and until then I will have puppies to occupy my thoughts with in a couple of weeks. I should just let the rest of my family do their thing and not let it encroach on my own life, right? Yeah, that sounds sane.

Labels: family, fightstar, gigs, life, photos, public transport, video

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |

I opened the new blog yesterday. Don't worry, it's not a move or a close-down of this one in any way. It's just that Madge is due to have her puppies in a couple of weeks and I'd like to document the event online this time, so that when people buy the pups they can click online and see them when they were born and in the weeks that followed. Plus it'd be really nice for me to have, as well, considering I'm doing most of the work - work? It doesn't feel like work at all :) In the next few posts I'll be adding pictures of Madge in her late stages of pregnancy, plus Sweepie and Falls to show how pretty her babies can be. If you want to keep up to date with my motherhood job then the link is in the sidebar <<<

I had a quiet night in last night. Actually yesterday was a complete washout. I just couldn't seem to get anything done - at all. It took me most of the day to get the new layout up for the new blog - I was just crap at everything. By the time five o'clock rolled by my brain decided to wake up. I'm feeling much more awake today.

Tomorrow I'm meant to be seeing Fightstar. I say meant to because Charlie has a bad throat and has already cancelled one of the gigs of the tour. But they played last night so I think he might be on the mend now. There's another gig tonight and then it's my turn. I have a feeling we're going to get down to the venue only to find its been postponed, which will really be a waste of a day and night. Plus they can't cancel because I only have a couple of weeks left until I'm on full-time Puppy Mode and gigging will be off the menu for the first few weeks after the birth. I've only had one gig postponed before - having found out on the night of the gig, I mean; obviously I've had gigs postponed a good few weeks in advance. That was The Deftones earlier this year. If Charlie just learnt how to scream properly he wouldn't hurt his throat so often. I think Bert needs to give him some lessons ;)

My argument with PC World paid off, by the way. I found a lovely new email from them yesterday morning explaining how there might be less space showing up on my hard-drive. All sounds dodgy to me. I just reckon they gave me a laptop that didn't have the right space on it. I won the argument, anyway, so I'm very smug. You see how to get things done now - threaten people with reporting them to their seniors! It works every single time. The funny thing is I wouldn't have reported them at all; I just hate to lose.

Labels: blogging, fightstar, laptop, life, pioden, puppies, the used

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

This week has been one of those weeks that starts out really crappy but ends up being one of the best of the year so far. Yes, there is hope for a better mood in this weird season-changing atmosphere we find ourselves in.

Best of all is that my anxiety levels have calmed down to almost nothing again, which is such a relief because I was starting to get a little worried about myself. I've always been a bit of a nervous person but when it comes down to it I usually face that fear and deal with it just fine. Lately I just wanted to run away and hide, usually with tears streaming down my face. Thankfully, all that weak stuff that I hate hate hate has all but disappeared. I can't say I have the answer to the cure. I don't know what fixed me. I'm just enjoying it.

It probably helped that I was out every night of this week, doing things I love doing. Lately all I've been doing is hanging around the place, doing a little of this and a little of that, but not actually very much. I haven't been overly bored or anything but I think deep down it was turning me into a shy bunny again. Hence the anxiety. It wasn't my plan to go out every night; that's just how it turned out.

Monday I was at the in-laws, Tuesday I was at the new pub with Ray and Jemma playing pool and sitting in people's seats (every time I go there I seem to be sitting in some regular's seat). Wednesday I went down the local pub to check-in on the all the latest news and scandal. Thursday I was, of course, at the Editors gig. Friday I actually stayed in - and oh boy was that a good decision ;) Saturday I went out again and I got very nicely drunk. There were some rather sluttish girls making moves on Ray whenever I went to the loo but they weren't really very threatening, considering I know who they are and so does Ray and that we both see them as very young girls so their behaviour was more annoying than upsetting. Being drunk was so nice. I haven't had a proper drink in about five months!

There's some kind of drama going on at home but no one's talking about it - figures. So I'm sitting back and waiting for the fireworks to fly. Usually I try and shield but this time I'm not even going to bother cos I fear that's just making the situation continue. It's really making me long to move out so that the family politics stuff is no longer a day-to-day reality. Plus the super nice week, the loved-up feelings I have for Ray, the I'm-too-old-to-still-be-living-with-my-parents situation - I just can't wait to move out. I have to be patient, though. We can't go until early next year. Humph.

I have also completed Halo 3 on Easy - it was indeed very easy. I'm moving onto Normal mode now, which should be a little more challenging. We're all in agreement that the "everything is done now" ending is very lame - Goddamn you, Cortana ;)

And I've just had a full-on argument with PC World. My advice: don't buy from them. They didn't try to help me at all (even though they have sold me a computer that has 14GB less space than what I paid for!) and it took me to get really shirty with them to get them to suddenly magic up an idea as to where the space may be. They said my tone and language were not helpful (or something) so I pointed out it was only that tone and language that got them off their lazy asses to do anything to help. My "language" was the use of the words bloody and pissed off, hardly shocking language in my world. I told them I had their names and the emails and will be contacting their supervisors mwah-ha-ha-ha. No idea where my 14GB has gone, though. They reckon Windows reads MB and KB differently but it still clearly says I only have 106GB whereas I paid for 120GB. Ooh I do love a good argument. Bring it on! I'm enjoying this so, so much.

Labels: drinking, halo, laptop, life, moving out, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 3 | permalink |

I went to see the Editors last night. And it was such a very, very good gig.

I wasn't sure what to expect from an Editors gig. Their music is quite subdued so I was expecting lots of couples (I was right), maybe an older crowd (I was right), and for it to be quite mellow (I was wrong). Thom jumped around like a loony and was very entertaining! I also now have a small crush on Chris, who has the most perfectly smooth, feminine arms.

No one queued before the gig, though. We wandered past at 5:30 and there was no one there. We came back at 6:30 and there was eight kids. We joined and about ten more people followed behind us. By the time the first support act came on - Ra Ra Riot - the front row was in and about twenty people on the seats behind - that was it. The room was empty! By the time the second support act had finished - The Kiss Away Trail - the room was finally full and it felt much more like a normal gig.

The Editors were next and they played amzingly. They really got the crowd going and were very upbeat and fun. We had some moshers behind us and a few crowd surfers (who pissed off the older crowd). Ray got elbowed a couple of times by an over-excited pogo-er but he was very polite and rubbed Ray's ouch's better ;)

I took a couple of crappy pictures with my not-so-good phone, one of Thom, the other of Chris:



And here's a video (again, not very good):

Labels: gigs, photos, ray, the editors, video

by Ys | COMMENTS? 0 | permalink |

Ray and I tried a new pub Sunday night. It has the potential of being our local when we're down his house. It's in walking distance so when I'm next staying down his we're thinking of having a Let's Get Drunk night. I haven't got drunk since May. It's been a quiet summer. So why am I mourning its end? God knows. It seems everyone's in a bad place at the moment. Every blog I read seems to be saying how they're finding it difficult to be positive, and are finding life is getting them down. At least I'm not alone, I suppose. But what the hell is wrong with us all? Can it really just be an end-of-season thing? I want it to go away. I miss being optimistic and happy.

I have started playing "Halo 3" now. Easy is beyond easy. But I am worried about how hard Legendary is going to be because the Flood are tough - well, the Pureform Floods are anyway. And they sound like elephants. My TV isn't the best TV to play it on, though. "Halo 3" needs a bigger screen that what I've got. But I can't afford a new one, and I have no space for a bigger one, so I'll just have to soldier on.

Last night I went down to see the in-laws for the first time in about a month. I always worry they'll think it's me not wanting to go there when in fact it's Ray's funny hours that's preventing us from going down more often. He's working somewhere that usually doesn't see him getting here 'til 7 or 8 in the evening by which time neither one of us can be bothered to do anything never mind drive all the way back down to his house only for him to have to drive me back by 10 cos he has to get up early the next day. My welcome was warm so that was nice, so I don't think they're harbouring any ill feelings towards me. They went out after food visiting other family members and friends so Ray and I had some rare time-alone. Some was spent in his little bed, the rest on the sofa watching "Doc Martin". That programme is so funny. We were finding the best places to sniff each other. Okay, okay, sounds dodgy but it's not. I like it best just below his left ear cos it's a lovely mix of his smell and his man-fume; whereas he likes behind my right ear cos it's a mix of me smell and my shampoo. Oh the funny things that will amuse you when you're in a relationship hehe.

Today Jem has gone to get her hair cut so I have the house to myself. I don't even remember the last time this happened. I've written all I can write and so will spend the next couple of hours contemplating my bad mood and finding ways to fix it. Anyone know how to cure anxiety? Cos mine's just getting worse with age.

Labels: halo, jem, life, love, ray

by Ys | COMMENTS? 2 | permalink |