Imagine my excitement yesterday afternoon when I peered over my plant pots and found not just one sign of life - but three!



My peas are growing! I'm so excited! I have two in one pot and one in another. Three of the other pots are growing grass (no, not that kind of grass) for some reason. It's all very exciting. I have created life in a pot - insert evil laugh.

As well as that, we are currently awaiting news on a house we might want to rent. It's by the beach - not the very pretty beach but a beach all the same - and there's plenty of places to walk the dogs, and it's close enough to town for me and Jem to walk so no need to worry about buses. We just have to wait and see if they allow pets. Then I might allow myself to get a little excited. So far I'm playing it cautious. What are the odds we'll find the right place within a week of searching? Don't these things usually take more time?

My guilty-pleasure-excitement has to be Big Brother. I think I've only escaped it one year. This year I'm as hooked as ever. Weirdly, I can't pick a single one of them who I like enough to want to win. They're a strange bunch (as always, I suppose) who are fun to watch but I don't really care very much about what happens to them. In other years I've got really into it - even going so far as to complain to Channel 4 when they tried to portray a housemate as a rapist with some really bad editing. I used to watch that year's live stream so seeing the edited shows at night was quite an eye-opener to how Big Brother is edited to make characters and create stories. So now whatever I see I pretty much know isn't really what happened. Probably why I don't care much for the housemates cos I know what I'm watching isn't really a real person. Anyway, at the moment my favourites are the twins. Ask me again in a week, though, and I'm sure there'll be another answer.

A meme, cos I was tagged by Gen, and you know how I can't say no to a pretty face.

Rules:
1) Post the rules then list 8 things about yourself.
2) At the end of the post, tag and link to 8 other people
3) Leave a comment at those sites, letting them know they've been tagged, and asking them to come read the post so they know what to do.

1. I want to adopt all the parentless children in the world and have done ever since I can remember. Long before it became the in thing for the celebs to do. When people would look at you funny and say, "You'll change your mind when you're married."
2. When I was fourteen I stopped breathing on an operating table and nearly died.
3. In the last year, even though I haven't put on any weight, my breasts have grown three seperate times. Which I didn't think was possible at the age of twenty-three/four.
4. There's a gay man living in my head. He's called Tajar. And he writes my books with me. He also stars in his own novel ("Soul Mates").
5. I always get goosebumps and an urge to cry when I am forced to watch any kind of talent-show on TV. Music affects me in a way that isn't normal. People's dreams getting crushed along side it just makes me a wreck.
6. I can run a household like a housewife who's been in the job for forty years. I think because I did it straight out of school and my brain was still in learning mode. And I'm proud of it even if it isn't seen as a real job anymore these days.
7. My stomach makes noises all the time. Ever since I irritated the lining of it with paracetamols.
8. In February 2004 I "found" God. Now I can't understand why people say He doesn't exist when the evidence is all around. I'm not a freaky religious person; I beleive people should find God in their own way at their own time.

I don't think I have eight people to tag so if any one else wants to do this then please feel free :)

Labels: big brother, meme, moving out, photos, tv, veg

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Anyone who knows me will know that I adore Tony Blair. I think during the entire ten-year PM reign I only fell out with him once. That was about a year ago, when he went very American and started trying to tell me what I was supposed to think. He soon got over that, though, and by the time he announced his retirement I was back on his side. I am still depressed that he's leaving. I know it's an unpopular thing: to be a fan of Tony Blair but I'm sorry but my life changed so much because of that man.

During my childhood years, The Tories were in power. I lived in hand-me-downs, our furniture was all second-hand or else donated by family members. We only got a telephone when I was nine years old because we simply couldn't afford it. We could only run one car, which was always breaking down becuase it was bought for its cheap price. We moved out of our council house when I was eleven - we actually had our own house! I spent the next three years friends with some very rich and snobbish people, pretending every day that I had as much money as they did, that it wasn't a struggle for my family. We couldn't even afford for me to have school dinners - I had to take my own lunch.

I was fourteen when Labour came into power. And that was when things finally started to turn around for us. I don't think we will ever be a rich family but we are comfortable - and that's because of Labour, because of Tony Blair. We own two cars (not that I agree with that, cos it's no good for the world, but if it means Daddy doesn't have to kill himself cycling to work like he used to then I'll let them get away with it), one of them is brand new - a brand new car! We own a computer, have the internet. Mammy and Daddy can holiday pretty much whenever they want. They've been able to buy a tumble-dryer and a dish-washer (another two things I don't agree with but it makes them happy so...). My younger sister gets money off them whenever she needs it, which was something they couldn't do for me and Jem when we were younger.

And now, as I branch out into the world as a proper adult, I can thank Labour and Tony for how much easier it will be.

I know everyone harps on about the Iraq war and how Tony has murdered all the casualities by taking us into the war in the first place. But, I don't read newspapers and I form my own opinions by watching and learning for myself. I have my own beliefs about the politicians' reasons for the war.

Tony's done a lot for this country and a lot for the world on the whole. Unfortunately, because the media and celebs tell them, most people will never let the Iraq war be put to one side so that Tony's triumphs can be seen.

Goodbye, Tony, I for one will miss you.

/rant ;)


Tony's Last Day In Office

Labels: life, politics, tony blair

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My foot seems to have got worse, not better. The bruising is finally fading, which for me is really good cos I usually hold onto bruises for about a month, even little ones that I get from Martha's whipping tail and oops-I-just-walked-into-you ways. Stubbornly, the purple streaky bruise on the side of my foot won't give up its colour just yet.



The swelling is mostly gone but I have a very strange and painful lump on the top of my foot. It does a weird thing of disappearing into my foot, which is what it did when I went to A+E, causing the doctor to look at me as if I was some kind of hypochondriac. Charming. I went down the pub Saturday night and had to take my trainer off for most of the night cos the pressure on the lump was making it feel as though my foot was going to just drop off.



So I'm not sure what I'm meant to do now. Go back to A+E for some x-rays? Go to the doctor and see what she says? Leave it and see if the lump deflates after another week? Considering I can't wear a shoe for more than five minutes I think I'd better get it looked at by someone who qualifies as a professional. The only problem is, the hospital where A+E is have been known to chop the wrong legs off patients, and put body parts back in the wrong places. Well, okay, I'm not sure about the second one but they did take two body parts off the wrong side of two different bodies. Should I really trust a hospital like that? Considering they've already sent me home once telling me nothing's wrong. Humph.

Anyway, I limped around Leekes long enough yesterday to make some purchases. I expressed an interest in growing my own veg' not only to save money but also for the selfish thrill of watching new life grow. So Ray and I bought some peas, peppers, tomatoes and cucumber seeds. In the drizzly rain (sitting, so as not to aggravate my foot), we planted our seeds in our new little pots and set them to grow on my bedroom windowledge.





Then, once they start growing shoots, I can move them outside. Well, the peas will be the first to move. We're going to wait and see about the others. The peppers might stay with me in my room. I think the tomotoes and cucumbers will move to the shed where it's always warm. I'm quite excited. I just hope I manage to make them grow. I've actually only ever grown cress!

Labels: illness, photos, veg

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I did go to A+E to see about my swollen foot. I really didn't want to go. Pouted all the way there - even a box of French Fancies couldn't cheer me up. There was only one other person in A+E so I pretty much went straight in. The doctor prodded my foot and because it didn't hurt (it doesn't when you poke it, maybe when you slide your finger up the foot a bit but not prodding it) he said it was just swelling and it would go down eventually. I'm not sure he listened to my "There's a strange lump on my foot" part at all. But, never mind, it's all done now. It aches now more than anything. It feels like all the bones in my foot have arthritis. Sure that's perfectly normal... Didn't I say nothing with me is ever straight-forward?

My younger sister has gone to Glastonbury so while we've been watching the live music into the early hours of the morning, like we usually do, we get to try and spot her as well. So far I haven't see her. It's been raining a lot, as is usual for Glastonbury, so I hope she hasn't been washed away in mud.

(The title of today's post is a line from The Used's song "Hospital". I've still got the album on repeat. I think I can safely say I've fallen in love with it :D)

Labels: family, illness, the used

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It would seem my foot may be broken in some way. It's still swollen and badly bruised, and it has a squidgy Smartie-sized lump on top. When I press the lump it hurts like hell. Daddy told me last night I should go to A+E and get it looked at. Urgh. I hate hospitals. But I think tonight I'll be making a trip down for some x-rays. Unless I can convince myself it's not that bad and I decide to wait another few days, which is very possible. I mean, it only hurts a bit when I put a shoe on it these days, which is much better than it was at the beginning of the week. So I'd say that was improvement. Right? Hmm. I'm undecided. I'll see how it is when Ray gets here after work tonight.

I didn't end up going to the dentist. The bus just never showed up. Whenever I go dog-sitting I always sit in that bus stop and think, What if the bus doesn't turn up now? I always tell myself not to be so stupid - buses don't just not show up. Turns out they do - or don't, depending on which is the better use of english grammer there. It meant good news for my foot, of course, but does mean I missed the dentist for the fourth time (they've cancelled twice, I've cancelled twice). But I'm meant to be going next month now. Let's see if I make it to that appointment.

Someone was very rude to me on IM the other day. He was a friend of a friend. The friend of mine adores him so I was really surprised by how much of a dick he was. I guess he thought he was being random and funny but it just came across as rude and arogant. Urgh. People. And I can't say anything to her about it cos, like I said, she adores him. I say again: urgh, people.

The Used's album update: I had it on repeat yesterday so some part of me is loving it. I figured out what was wrong: I really like the hard screamo tracks The Used make but on this album there are only two tracks on the entire album that are in any way screamo. There is a beautiful ballad on the end, though. So I like the album but it's certainly not their best.

Now... am I going to the hospital tonight or not?

Labels: friends, illness, public transport, the used

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I've hurt my foot. I don't know how or even when. But my left foot has a huge swollen blue bruise running across the top of it, with a purple bruise on the inside of the foot. The only thing I can think is that I somehow crushed the foot under the suitcase when I was bringing it home Saturday night. It was so sore Sunday morning that it hurt even if my jeans brushed against it. Ouch. I tried taking pictures but it doesn't show off the bruise at all. I just hope it's not going to be something stupid and really serious. I hope it's just a bad bruise. But when I get sick I get sick properly; I don't do illness by half. Fingers crossed this isn't one of those times.

Today I have to squash the foot into a trainer because I have to go to the dentist. The bus times are awful so I'll have to walk around town for about two hours as well. My poor foot. It doesn't hurt too much to walk on but getting the trainer on is going to hurt like hell - just putting a sock on makes me cry out.

I'm listening to my new Used album. It's weird cos on one hand it's great and on the other it's the worst they've made. When I first heard "The Bird and The Worm" I adored it - from the first listen. Same went for "Paralyzed". But when I saw them live they played a few of the new songs and not one of them grabbed me - same goes when I listen to the album. It's like they've got the best songs and worst all on one album, which is just weird. Cos if a band isn't working creatively surely the entire album would be crap, or on the flip side, if the band are working really well then the entire album should be great. This is the weirdest. I'll give it a few more listens before I make my mind up on it, of course. I was so looking forward to the album that I can't help feeling disappointed. A few more listens and I think I'll love it. I think so...

Euch. I feel sick. It just took me about thirty minutes to eat some scrambled egg on toast, which for me is a lifetime. When food is put in front of me I eat it straight away. I think it may have something to do with the chocolate I helped Jem polish off last night. All three of us were moping last night - Ray more so, which left me feeling a bit helpless. I never know what to do when he gets pouting. The house hunting isn't going well - but it's only been a few days so I don't think we need to start panicking yet. Sure, most of them say no pets but I'm sure we'll find some place soon enough.

It's hard being the only optimist in this venture.

Labels: illness, life, ray, the used

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I got engaged!

Did you have a fright? I've been telling everyone the story like that. I say, "I got engaged." I keep my face straight as they boggle their eyes at me, and start to giggle as their eyes travel to my wedding finger looking for a ring. I then reveal how my engagement ring was really only a Hula Hoop crisp, and the proposal itself wasn't actually real.









I do admit that I did immediately well up as soon as he got down on one knee in front of me. Even though it had been my idea for him to do it, even though I thought it was hilarious and it was going to look great in the pictures - I still filled up with tears as soon as he was there doing the proposing. I would say that's a bit scary but, hell, I'm an emotional person and a big romantic so it's not that much of a shocker. I kept the ring, anyway. My first engagement ring. Hehehe.

We had a really nice last day together. We spent the entire afternoon having a picnic down by the pond, where we watched the ducks taking their babies round for a swim. We then had a take away Dominios pizza - yum. When it was time to come home we all got very upset. But it was nice coming home in a way because Mammy and Daddy were singing drunkenly in the back garden. Mammy requested a hug off me (she never does that) and confided how she'd missed me and Jem; and then Daddy wanted a hug, too, and he proceeded to squeeze me so hard I thought he'd popped a rib! So home isn't too bad at all.

But I still really miss having my own place. Having Ray there when I go to sleep, hearing him go to work in the morning, having food ready for him when he gets home, spending the evening doing whatever we want, walking the dogs everywhere, sitting out the back in the sun, writing quietly in my room... I miss it all.

We've started looking for places to rent. I think we'll be moving out for real soon. We just need to find a nice place for the dogs for the right price. But I think this is it: I'm about to make the big step and move in with Ray (and my bimbo, of course). And that doesn't feel scary at all.

Labels: life, photos, ray

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Time is nearly up. Nearly time to return home. I can't say I'm excited by that prospect. Rather unusually for me, I've been moping over the return home for the past couple of days. I didn't think I'd mope quite so much. It's pretty pathetic. Moping won't change anything. I just have to be patient. Keep following the dream.

I had a Life Chat with Ray last night and I said how it would be easier for us all to move out if I was earning a regular wage. I said how I wanted to feel bad about not having a quote-unquote normal job but I enjoy my writing so much I find it difficult to feel too guilty. He asked why I should feel guilty. I think his exact words were, "Yeah, but who actually cares that you don't have a normal 9-5 job?" That stumped me. Cos for many years pretty much everyone cared. I had family members who barely knew me or the situation having a pop at me at any available opportunity (part of the reason I refuse to do the Family Visits these days), friends of my parents who again didn't know the situation, having a go at me; my parents made me feel like a worthless piece of crap. Apparently you're only worth something if you have a 9-5 job. Well, that's how it was. Things changed when I started dog-sitting properly a couple of years ago. Now I have my own money coming in regularly-ish (I usually do get money at least once every couple of months) my parents no longer hassle me. I no longer see the family members who hated me for not being normal, and my parents' so called friends are no longer friends so I don't see them either. So, yes, Ray posed a good question - who does actually care now? I couldn't think of anyone. For the first time since leaving school I am getting no hassles from anyone about my career choice. I found that quite liberating.

Of course, it doesn't help with me wanting to move out of home. I know I'd need to get my books published for that to happen. On my terms anyway. Buying houses is completely out of the question cos none of us three (me, Jem and Ray) have hundred's of thousands of pounds saved up. And renting is just out of our reach at the moment as well. But we're perservering (sp?). As Ray also said last night: "You're happy how things are at the moment, though, aren't you?" I am. Living together would be great - it took me two-and-a-half weeks to realise that living with Ray would be great - but we're more than happy as we are at the moment so there's no need to get hysterical about it.

In the end, I guess all I can say is what I always say: everything happens for a reason, and it'll all work out as it's meant to.

Labels: family, life, ray, writing

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