I've taken Sweepie for two long walks in the morning and not worried about what time I'll be getting back in, if there'll be enough time to get this done and that done before the next thing has to be completed. I didn't think about the time at all. We just went for a lovely long walk down by the beach and missed Auntie Martha being with us. When I did the cleaning it took up much less time. There's two less to clean up after now and I can really see the difference. I've written when I've wanted to and not forced myself to keep to a schedule. How sad I've felt and the new relaxed routine I've set has made my writing that much better and it's been a pleasure to sit and work for hours on end. I always turn to my writing during a moment of crisis.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly how and why my routine has changed. I could probably list a few things I used to do one way and now do a different way and could probably trace back the reason why. But I don't want to. I feel it would ruin my new outlook. I hate to say that anything positive can come out of losing Martha and Lucien but maybe the shock of it has helped me relax about things that don't need to be stressed about and has made me take stock of things.
The new way of things is starting to feel a bit more normal with every day. The house still feels very empty and the rooms seem much bigger. One of the reasons we got this house was because Martha needed a lot of room to run around in; now she doesn't fill the space it's feeling big and empty. And when we had Lucien he cemented our place here and completed the family. He was the baby of this house, the only one to have been raised entirely here. But I try not to dwell on it too much. This is how it is now. We're all adjusting to the changes.
FEELING: thoughtful |  |
Labels: beach, death, house stuff, life, lucien, martha, sweepie
