The Big Decisions

First of all: CONGRATULATIONS to Gen & Andy who got married over the weekend! It was such a romantic story; made me go all goose-pimply when she told me :) Good luck with your futures together, guys; may there be much happiness and love.

It seems to be the time for the big decisions in life. Ray and I have had a few conversations this weekend and they've culminated into a decision about one aspect of our future.

For those who don't know: I might not be able to physically conceive or/and carry a child. I had some surgery when I was in my teens to get rid of some out-of-control ovarian cysts and in the process of being mis-diagnosed (GP's are great, aren't they?) they'd grown huge and spun and tangled things up. During the second op' I lost my right ovary and fallopian tube. It's perfectly plausible that I can still conceive. Plenty of women have only one ovary and have babies perfectly fine. But then again plenty don't. I also have no idea what the scar tissue is like and whether or not that will play any part in it.

So, what's that got to do with anything, right? Well, I stumbled across a test that can tell whether or not I am producing any healthy eggs. (For the record: I don't believe I stumbled; I believe I was guided to it.) It won't test for anything else but for me that's one of the big things that hangs like a question mark over everything. Am I even producing any eggs from that one remaining ovary, and are they healthy?

So we've made a plan. My Pill prescription runs out in December. I won't renew it. We'll wait at least six months for my body to run off the effects of The Pill and then we'll take the test. Of course I know it shouldn't take six months for the effects to wear off but a year from now sounded like a good time frame for us. From there we'll make a new decision. That'll depend on many factors. If the test shows I'm fine are we ready to have babies then? Or, do we even want to have children of our own, do we just want to adopt/foster? If the test shows I've got no healthy eggs then I'll probably go to the doctors, get it assessed and find out exactly what's wrong. Then the question will be: are we ready to adopt/foster yet?

This decision doesn't mean we're planning babies for next year; it's just the first step in that direction. I've always wanted to adopt/foster anyway but I'd still like to know whether or not I am capable of conceiving naturally because a part of me really wants to have Ray's baby. But that's all a decision for next year. For now I'm just extremely happy to be moving forward and making that first small step. Coming off The Pill isn't such a big deal, either. It was never really the wonder drug for me - my periods are still heavy and painful, my mood swings are a little extreme on my off-week, and my boobs have grown too big! ;) So come January I'll be starting down the path back to the real hormone-challenged me, and the path to motherhood.

Labels: adoption, fertility, friends, life, marriage, maternal, motherhood, ray

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